Is change coming?

The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.
— Isaac Asimov






Where to start....
I've talked a load about wanting change and about needing things in my life to be different. Well, the last week and a half haven't been the greatest. I could say that I let my emotions get the better of me, blame it on depression or any number of things... But I honestly can't pin point the true source of my problems. If one had to psychoanalyze me (or just sit and listen to me vent), I think (I know) there would be more below the surface than meets the eye. I think my mother is the only person so far in my life, that can tell when something is wrong. Mothers are amazing, and I do love mine dearly. I think living my 'secret' (Which isn't so much a secret anymore, which helps), kinda taught me to hide everything, especially when it came to hiding emotions from people. Dating a girl for 2 years (Who didn't know or suspect I was gay), also taught me to hide my feelings. Which came pouring out when she did eventually find out. SO pretending everything is alright, and pretending life is good has kind of become a way of life for me, even though inside I'm falling apart (Which, to be honest feels like it happens a lot).

I was told today that I'm too perfect (You know who you are who said it ;)), but in all honesty I am far from it. I know that no one is perfect, and I know that that applies to everyone. I think life circumstances have taught me to accept my imperfections and use them to my advantage. However, Some imperfections I guess can't be taken advantage of.

I enjoy being apart of peoples lives, even if it is a virtual 'apart'. It is amazing how much of an impact a few kind words and some support can have on someone you've never even met. This I have learnt from experience, and has occurred both ways. When I lived oversees a couple years ago, through the internet I came into contact with someone who had a great impact on my life, and I will never forget him. When I was in a place, the lowest I have ever been in my life, he helped me get through it. Thank you sleuth, we don't talk anymore, but I think of you constantly! Yet again, when I'm at my lowest of my lows, God, destiny or whatever you want to call it, brings someone along your path that helps you overcome your obstacles. You are amazing johnny, we are stilling working through it, but I know with your help things can change.

Lastly, I chat to many guys who are facing problems similar or worse than I am. They have been lied to, hurt and are longing for someone to love. There will come a time when your 'perfect' guy, will sweep you off your feet. Don't get caught up in what is going on around you. Stay true to who you are, your patience will be rewarded. I mean everything I say in my blog with utmost sincerity! Thank you to those who have taken time to read what I have to say, It means a lot to me.