Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Desidarata - Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.


Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Can't sleep...

I struggled to fall asleep tonight, and when I did fall asleep it didn't actually feel like I was asleep... Weird. My mind doesn't seem to want to shut down, at all... This isn't normal for me and I haven't had a night like this in a couple months. It's extremely frustrating and typically would happen before a day I know I'm going to be crazily busy. Blah... There's a lot on my mind I guess.

The course I'm doing this year just seems to get more and more overwhelming. It's not one of those sit in lectures and write exams courses, it's a full hands on, research based course with practical exams (which I hate with a passion) and the extra work over and above the lectures and my day job is damn stressful. Suppose I just need to suck it up and get on with it. Sometimes I just want to scream though.

Then there's the religious debate (this has just formed apart of everyday life now and doesn't really keep me). It's difficult having been brought up a charismatic christian, believing what I do and dealing with my sexuality. There are different debates and everyone has their own opinions on what is right, what is wrong, what the church says, what the Bible says and what God says. Processing it all does get a bit much sometimes, but I can't deny what I believe and what I feel.

Gym has fallen apart, I haven't been regularly in about 2 months, partly because work is super busy and I don't have energy and then also because of the course and amount of extra time it saps. I really do want to get back into it badly, just never seems to work.

They say life is yours and you control your destiny. I agree, but I haven't felt that way in a while.

The guy I'm seeing at the moment seems to be the only form of stability I have at the moment. He really is a great guy and I enjoy every minute I'm with/around him (even carrying boxes up 5 flights of stairs). Together with the friends I have, he keeps me sane. Even though he drives me crazy!

We recently went away for my birthday to visit my best friend in the Kruger National Park. It was awesome getting away, but way too short. It's amazing what being in the middle of nothingness can do for the soul.

And now I can hear birds chirping, so I'll leave you with this:

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to please everybody."

"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to please everybody."