Tuesday, January 29, 2013

What to say...

When I planned to write this post I had a whole bunch of stuff to say. Things that meant something to me and that would show other people how I think. But they disappeared and now my mind is blank. If I keep typing maybe something will come to me...

Oh yes...

The detox is over... It's quite an anticlimax to be completely honest. All the emotions that one could possibly experience were felt in those 30 days. Admittedly on day 29, my grandmother did feed me which resulted in day 29 being pretty much the end of the detox. I was told that as you go through the detox and as your system cleanses, the emotions of the past year slowly get released. It may not happen for everyone, but it definitely happened to me. The past year was an emotional roller coaster, and I relived it in the first 30 days of this year.

When I say the end of the detox was an anticlimax, it's purely because the purpose and drive to finish something (the detox) suddenly disappeared because it was over. I felt lost and alone (even though I was neither). I have since been talked out of the hole that I was about to crawl myself into.

What else was there....

Living with a housemate isn't always easy. Sometimes one has to make compromises to keep the peace. Other times things are blown out of proportion unnecessarily. I do like my houemate very much, but sometimes I feel like everything I do isn't right. I often (and worse recently) feel like I'm invading her privacy or I am in the way. This is partly made worse by the fact that we work for the same boss (Yes, the same person that I mentioned before... Who is now also pregnant). I think I may be moving sooner than I originally thought... But there are pros to having a housemate, so if I did move I would consider living with someone again...

I eventually want my own space where I could just be me, without having to tip toe around someone else's moods...

There's actually a lot that I need to blog about, but that will have to wait until the next one!




Friday, January 4, 2013

A New Year yet again!



Writing has taken a back seat for the past couple weeks (months even). Not intentionally, to some extent I have lacked inspiration to write. I’ve been easily distracted, extremely easily distracted.  Maybe I haven’t been dealing with my issues, because this blog in a way is my own self-created psychology session through which I vent about the ‘stuff’ that I deal with in my life. It is by no means a vent for the ‘juicy’ details of my life. Admittedly I have brought up stuff in the past that may to some people be scandalous anecdotes of situations that I experience, but they are certainly not a means for someone to live vicariously through me.

The past two months have been extremely busy. It started with exams for the frustrating course that I put myself through this year, which I am proud to say that I passed with distinction. From dinner parties to my work end of year function to spending time with people visiting from overseas it has been a roller coaster that I have enjoyed for the most part. 

I really enjoy meeting new people, to learn about them and how they experience life. I guess the human condition in itself is quite intriguing to me. One thing that I find interesting but in some ways extremely disheartening, is the interaction between family members. I guess that all stems from the fact that we are all different and all have different perceptions and ideas even though we may have been brought up on the same value systems. True to my nature though, one just has to step back and observe because adding fuel to the fire can just exacerbate any rift between family members that is already failing. Sometimes people also need to learn when to shut up and keep their opinions to themselves especially when arguing with a relative in front of other family members.

I visited my mother over the Christmas break. Things felt different, very different. In a strange way and maybe not by her intention, I felt like more of an adult around her. She treated me like I was mature and spoke to me like I was her son but a grown man. It was quite liberating. She never once brought up the events of last Christmas, which was in a way good, but I am also worried about what she is holding back and bursting to say to me. I do love her dearly.

The past three days of the New Year I have been back at work and very busy. That combined with a detox that I started six days ago have given me a lot to concentrate on over the past week. The joys of a detox are that your body starts purifying itself, the downfall it has to throw the crap out somehow… anyhow…  By crap I mean everything from the binge eating, food toxins to the emotional ups and downs over. This wonderful emotional roller coaster is quite frustrating, because all the feelings that you thought you dealt with come up again. Anyway… 24 more days to go! Hopefully by the end of it I will be emotionally stable again. Speaking of which… No antidepressants for 5 month and feeling pretty good about life :).