Angel ~ Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

There is always hope!

There are times in our lives when we feel that the only way up is out. By that I mean, when life throws us curve balls and kicks us when we done it seems like there isn't a point to living. It feels like there is no reason to carry on, no sign of life left inside to drive us and no urge to fight.

Life isn't about being happy 24/7. It isn't about coming out on top every time. It isn't about doing it right the first time. It isn't about having all the answers. It isn't about being perfect. Life is about how we react to and deal with the situations that are presented to us. To learn to use them so that we learn from our experiences and come out as better people is the hard part.

It's difficult to be optimistic about everything that comes our way. It's difficult to smile when everything seems like its falling apart. It's difficult to pick yourself up when the world seems to implode into itself.

One thing is certain in all the experiences, circumstances and situations that happen life, it's that there is hope. Hope for something better, hope for a new tomorrow and hope circumstances will change.

It may sound like I have all the answers, and I know exactly what I'm talking about. But I dont. I just know that there is always going to be a tomorrow that will be better than today. And as the sun rises brand new each day, we have the opportunity to challenge ourselves and life to be better people and learn from each and every interaction and situation that crosses our paths.

Time to blog...

One of my friends said to me the other day that I am the most 'together' gay guy that he knows. I have a degree, a good job, an awesome place to stay and I seem pretty happy. I just smiled, as I do. That's something I do easily is smile. Maybe because its physically easier than frowning and I'm just lazy. Even when I was a baby, my mother said I would lie in my cot, talking to myself, laughing, giggling and singing (As if that wasn't a giveaway). But even though smiling happens and life goes on, some things we just can't smile about. Sometimes feelings, emotions, circumstances and life itself makes us just not.

I blogged a while ago about the guys I've dated, and how each time I could blame them for things going wrong or ending. Looking back though, I realise that all those times I had issues that influenced the relationship and I've had to deal with them along the way. Some were harder than others to deal with.

Since coming out to my mother in December, I thought things would slowly level out. One thing I don't think I've mentioned before, is that I stopped my medication at the same time. It has been an extremely rough 3 months and things don't seem to be getting better, they're not getting worse but they sure as anything aren't leveling out. I'm anxious and frustrated, I haven't been gyming frequently, I haven't been to yoga in ages and my life feels like its one big mess.

I've recently started seeing a pretty amazing guy, he makes me smile(for the right reasons) and makes things seem good. When I'm with him, things seem together and seem right. I sure as anything don't want to mess this one up.

Life seems to happen even though we are trying to deal with all our issues. Do we just ignore the issues and carry on? Or do we need to deal with them so that we can live more full and happy lives?

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I love life because what more is there.
Anthony Hopkins