tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53154295253575421512024-02-19T10:15:00.134+02:00Tales of a Raging BoyRagingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.comBlogger101125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-50573372011605631242013-06-09T22:18:00.000+02:002013-06-09T22:18:44.637+02:00I Look to YouI'm lying on my bed pondering my life and existence (as one does), listening to music. Whitney Houston's 'I look to you' is playing gently through my headphones. I'm not a big one for debating religion and evolution etc., but I do know what feels right to me in my heart of hearts. I'm not a scientist or a philosopher. I don't claim to have all the answers, to speak to higher beings or have the right to damn the next person, but I know in my heart what I feel to be right. And yes maybe it's my right or my truth, but so be it. <br />
<br />
The thought that I am this insignificant being whirling through space on a speck of dust in the vastness that is our universe is scary. To think that by pure chance I was born at the specific date and time I was, have led the life I have and am sitting here right now is unfathomable to me. In the vast expanse of time that is our existence, how is it possible that through pure luck of the draw my time is now.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Anyway, back to the speck analogy... Wow I actually don't know how I can word what it is I feel. Maybe I am weak, maybe its fear or insecurity, but the thought of being alone floating through this chasm that is our existence stirs up feelings of hopelessness and anguish.<br />
<br />
I have heard what is to believe in evolution and I get where the desire to believe in it comes from. But whether I am right or wrong, I will always believe in a higher power. I can't not. Maybe human nature makes me weak, maybe it's what I have been programmed to want to believe by my upbringing, but I believe and will always.Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-53728617953361908512013-04-11T21:21:00.000+02:002013-04-11T21:22:06.066+02:00SafetySuit - These Times [MUSIC VIDEO]<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I cried proper tears....Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-65918567220996835222013-03-01T17:49:00.001+02:002013-03-01T17:49:41.429+02:00It's your life ~ Francesca Battistelli<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjmdVtXZuRIk8GG_i03ud5mkZuOfpv6ad_I_g4cTuFmIIvE8sLWBEC1tWXeKaC697rn7wgQStYoJeRBa1yLatBpsNhx6rJOZiH6HnFzEsvg1xklrplElWddveDA0DFQ0GZvjAP-qOxQU1d/s1600/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FdHVtYmxyX21pdHA3Y3RDMTMxcmFtcDk1bzFfMTI4MC5qcGc%253D%253F%253D-781429"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjmdVtXZuRIk8GG_i03ud5mkZuOfpv6ad_I_g4cTuFmIIvE8sLWBEC1tWXeKaC697rn7wgQStYoJeRBa1yLatBpsNhx6rJOZiH6HnFzEsvg1xklrplElWddveDA0DFQ0GZvjAP-qOxQU1d/s320/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FdHVtYmxyX21pdHA3Y3RDMTMxcmFtcDk1bzFfMTI4MC5qcGc%253D%253F%253D-781429" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5850402506184562226" /></a></p>his is the moment
<br>It's on the line
<br>Which way you gonna fall?
<br>In the middle between
<br>Wrong and right
<br>But you know after all
<br>
<br>It's your life
<br>What you gonna do?
<br>The world is watching you
<br>Every day the choices you make
<br>Say what you are and who
<br>Your heart beats for
<br>It's an open door
<br>It's your life
<br>
<br>Are you who you always said you would be?
<br>With a sinking feeling in your chest
<br>Always waiting for someone else to fix you
<br>Tell me when did you forget
<br>
<br>It's your life
<br>What you gonna do?
<br>The world is watching you
<br>Every day the choices you make
<br>[. From: <a href="http://www.elyrics.net">http://www.elyrics.net</a> .]
<br>Say what you are and who
<br>Your heart beats for
<br>It's an open door
<br>
<br>To live the way that you believe
<br>This is your opportunity
<br>To let your life be one that lights the way
<br>
<br>It's your life
<br>What you gonna do?
<br>The world is watching you
<br>Every day the choices you make
<br>Say what you are and who
<br>Your heart beats for
<br>It's an open door
<br>
<br>It's your life
<br>What you gonna do?
<br>The world is watching you
<br>Every day the choices you make
<br>Say what you are and who
<br>Your heart beats for
<br>It's an open door
<br>It's your life
<br>It's your lifeRagingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-8494282291113501202013-01-29T21:56:00.001+02:002013-01-29T21:56:16.766+02:00What to say...When I planned to write this post I had a whole bunch of stuff to say. Things that meant something to me and that would show other people how I think. But they disappeared and now my mind is blank. If I keep typing maybe something will come to me...<br />
<br />
Oh yes...<br />
<br />
The detox is over... It's quite an anticlimax to be completely honest. All the emotions that one could possibly experience were felt in those 30 days. Admittedly on day 29, my grandmother did feed me which resulted in day 29 being pretty much the end of the detox. I was told that as you go through the detox and as your system cleanses, the emotions of the past year slowly get released. It may not happen for everyone, but it definitely happened to me. The past year was an emotional roller coaster, and I relived it in the first 30 days of this year.<br />
<br />
When I say the end of the detox was an anticlimax, it's purely because the purpose and drive to finish something (the detox) suddenly disappeared because it was over. I felt lost and alone (even though I was neither). I have since been talked out of the hole that I was about to crawl myself into.<br />
<br />
What else was there....<br />
<br />
Living with a housemate isn't always easy. Sometimes one has to make compromises to keep the peace. Other times things are blown out of proportion unnecessarily. I do like my houemate very much, but sometimes I feel like everything I do isn't right. I often (and worse recently) feel like I'm invading her privacy or I am in the way. This is partly made worse by the fact that we work for the same boss (Yes, the same person that I mentioned before... Who is now also pregnant). I think I may be moving sooner than I originally thought... But there are pros to having a housemate, so if I did move I would consider living with someone again...<br />
<br />
I eventually want my own space where I could just be me, without having to tip toe around someone else's moods...<br />
<br />
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There's actually a lot that I need to blog about, but that will have to wait until the next one! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-68711361918720978982013-01-04T22:10:00.001+02:002013-01-04T22:10:58.455+02:00A New Year yet again!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Writing has taken a back seat for the past couple weeks
(months even). Not intentionally, to some extent I have lacked inspiration to
write. I’ve been easily distracted, extremely easily distracted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I haven’t been dealing with my issues,
because this blog in a way is my own self-created psychology session through
which I vent about the ‘stuff’ that I deal with in my life. It is by no means a
vent for the ‘juicy’ details of my life. Admittedly I have brought up stuff in
the past that may to some people be scandalous anecdotes of situations that I
experience, but they are certainly not a means for someone to live vicariously
through me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The past two months have been extremely busy. It started
with exams for the frustrating course that I put myself through this year,
which I am proud to say that I passed with distinction. From dinner parties to
my work end of year function to spending time with people visiting from
overseas it has been a roller coaster that I have enjoyed for the most part. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I really enjoy meeting new people, to learn about them and
how they experience life. I guess the human condition in itself is quite
intriguing to me. One thing that I find interesting but in some ways extremely
disheartening, is the interaction between family members. I guess that all
stems from the fact that we are all different and all have different
perceptions and ideas even though we may have been brought up on the same value
systems. True to my nature though, one just has to step back and observe
because adding fuel to the fire can just exacerbate any rift between family
members that is already failing. Sometimes people also need to learn when to
shut up and keep their opinions to themselves especially when arguing with a
relative in front of other family members.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I visited my mother over the Christmas break. Things felt
different, very different. In a strange way and maybe not by her intention, I
felt like more of an adult around her. She treated me like I was mature and
spoke to me like I was her son but a grown man. It was quite liberating. She
never once brought up the events of last Christmas, which was in a way good,
but I am also worried about what she is holding back and bursting to say to
me. I do love her dearly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The past three days of the New Year I have been back at work
and very busy. That combined with a detox that I started six days ago have
given me a lot to concentrate on over the past week. The joys of a detox are
that your body starts purifying itself, the downfall it has to throw the crap
out somehow… anyhow… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By crap I mean
everything from the binge eating, food toxins to the emotional ups and downs
over. This wonderful emotional roller coaster is quite frustrating, because all
the feelings that you thought you dealt with come up again. Anyway… 24 more
days to go! Hopefully by the end of it I will be emotionally stable again.
Speaking of which… No antidepressants for 5 month and feeling pretty good about
life <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">:)</span></span>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk9bqu7Tp7MVgQ3fgOTpguQtHa6x5A-8arXkHo-VVeLOiVg-a4Ji1RMQloHAQsQQyhQazfaCkf_lyycULatkDSma4TeoJh8y4mXE6Sc782N9u2Q11rlTARmFD0gTcqjb_lBCdS3l1a5yiK/s1600/tumblr_mf53zjemhT1qhlt4ko1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk9bqu7Tp7MVgQ3fgOTpguQtHa6x5A-8arXkHo-VVeLOiVg-a4Ji1RMQloHAQsQQyhQazfaCkf_lyycULatkDSma4TeoJh8y4mXE6Sc782N9u2Q11rlTARmFD0gTcqjb_lBCdS3l1a5yiK/s320/tumblr_mf53zjemhT1qhlt4ko1_500.jpg" width="226" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-74440367706026628752012-11-05T22:15:00.004+02:002012-11-05T22:19:42.481+02:00Just Be…I was going to attempt my hand at writing a poem, but I’ve
never really been any good at it. So I will write about what is on my mind
instead.<br />
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I have been catching up on glee the past couple days. I only
ever watched the first season and the first episode of the second season. For
whatever reason, I just didn’t carry on. It sounds so trivial. Watching glee.
The thing is however when you really pay attention to what is being said and
how people react to situations, you are able to learn. Not only about how
people interact, but also about yourself and how we understand our interactions
with others.</div>
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<br /></div>
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If you watch glee, you’ll understand what I’m getting at.
The one scene for example, where Brittany and Ardie break up can be seen from
different viewpoints. I spoke to a friend about it and the only thing that she
remembered about the scene is that Artie called her stupid. I’m not negating
what he called her. But what he said before that was quite profound:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“… That there’s one other person in your life that can
provide for you things that I’m supposed to provide, it’s just too much for me
to take…” </div>
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<br /></div>
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Relationships and friendships aren’t meant to be complete
and infinite. But the person you are sharing parts of your life with should
make you feel complete and whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
relationship should be a place where things are shared in an environment of
love and warmth without judgment or fear of not being what you are supposed to
be. A place where you can ‘just be’…. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKWwUpD8G-j_GaBaDQsb4zLoSDMLtUkZcYmIYgqRMrqYs0c02NAzK9CggScs7hp9EvacnTT15_h3LPfUzgycEpt2XRTpf5NdkHkg6TEfKTJFMk7lDpfP5wgAo6-ySbQj63UpEjO_qkk7-i/s1600/KurtisW6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKWwUpD8G-j_GaBaDQsb4zLoSDMLtUkZcYmIYgqRMrqYs0c02NAzK9CggScs7hp9EvacnTT15_h3LPfUzgycEpt2XRTpf5NdkHkg6TEfKTJFMk7lDpfP5wgAo6-ySbQj63UpEjO_qkk7-i/s320/KurtisW6.jpg" width="204" /></a></div>
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Wow… Almost at 100<sup> </sup>posts... Better make the next couple good ones…</div>
Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-75819588868410141422012-10-28T11:55:00.000+02:002012-10-28T11:56:00.619+02:00Not As We ~ Alanis Morissette<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg38VHF9gbiaRio9UguuiLqgF-7wX6X8b9Td1TpTQym2revDroilQR3nJrarQZct6UPX43Q6ySNdIcLwtlnET53-3KafYbpUSazKzh9SP5fsJAzzPnT2VevkeaxTuiTYcjLwsGTOfsbZ8Ep/s1600/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FQmVuLVdhZGRlbGwtT2xpdmVyLUhheS1mb3ItV2lucS1tYWxlLW1vZGVscy0yNTEzMzQwMC00MDAtNTQ5LmpwZw%253D%253D%253F%253D-760620"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg38VHF9gbiaRio9UguuiLqgF-7wX6X8b9Td1TpTQym2revDroilQR3nJrarQZct6UPX43Q6ySNdIcLwtlnET53-3KafYbpUSazKzh9SP5fsJAzzPnT2VevkeaxTuiTYcjLwsGTOfsbZ8Ep/s320/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FQmVuLVdhZGRlbGwtT2xpdmVyLUhheS1mb3ItV2lucS1tYWxlLW1vZGVscy0yNTEzMzQwMC00MDAtNTQ5LmpwZw%253D%253D%253F%253D-760620" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5804296805916632930" /></a></p><p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO18Zo7QztR22wGqJk4P02TeLO-ekPgqqkSs3XOEpXirskQf5Ol1Zdr6Mdv9ukmlbkBoicREytZCH8YltxmuGDeH-XhRfk_CVzGvVb41GTpQg7w6fcF8SEmYfrxYEwtkxVpg_v7wX7xJ6I/s1600/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FT2xpdmVyUFJJQ0hFUzRXSU5RMls1XS5qcGc%253D%253F%253D-764656"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO18Zo7QztR22wGqJk4P02TeLO-ekPgqqkSs3XOEpXirskQf5Ol1Zdr6Mdv9ukmlbkBoicREytZCH8YltxmuGDeH-XhRfk_CVzGvVb41GTpQg7w6fcF8SEmYfrxYEwtkxVpg_v7wX7xJ6I/s320/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FT2xpdmVyUFJJQ0hFUzRXSU5RMls1XS5qcGc%253D%253F%253D-764656" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5804296824091425650" /></a></p>Reborn and shivering
<br>Spat out on new terrain
<br>
<br>Unsure unconvincing
<br>This faint and shaky hour
<br>
<br>Day one day one start over again
<br>Step one step one
<br>I'm barely making sense for now
<br>I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
<br>From scratch begin again but this time I as I
<br>And not as we
<br>
<br>Gun shy and quivering
<br>Timid without a hand
<br>
<br>Feign brave with steel intent
<br>Little and hardly here
<br>
<br>Day one day one start o-over again
<br>Step one step one
<br>With not much making sense just yet
<br>I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
<br>From scratch begin again but this time I as I
<br>And not as we
<br>
<br>Eyes wet toward
<br>Wide open frayed
<br>If God's taking bets
<br>I pray He wants to lose
<br>
<br>Day one day one start over again
<br>Step one step one
<br>I'm barely making sense just yet
<br>I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
<br>From scratch begin again but this time I as I
<br>And not as weRagingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-49835809897204300042012-10-08T19:59:00.002+02:002012-10-10T06:38:49.222+02:00What a weekend...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEJuinRphyxiF2qrsvNlF2NtoonTeqCNlLzxU7xbSn8uhqF-nt0fhyphenhyphenRCRsMDdhwPV-D_zVFhYcfnY_jUKwUdu5MZLhnjNE5bv0T_31-WMEKLeIklD0wJDPT7yfVYpV4cjh6MVKvEQiRMsu/s1600/130393351682143701_QLY4jJ1t_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEJuinRphyxiF2qrsvNlF2NtoonTeqCNlLzxU7xbSn8uhqF-nt0fhyphenhyphenRCRsMDdhwPV-D_zVFhYcfnY_jUKwUdu5MZLhnjNE5bv0T_31-WMEKLeIklD0wJDPT7yfVYpV4cjh6MVKvEQiRMsu/s320/130393351682143701_QLY4jJ1t_c.jpg" width="210" /></a></div>
I really don't often have amazing weekends from beginning to end... Well not in the last 7 months anyway. The course I'm doing (which hopefully this time next week will be done with) pretty much takes up my life and my weekends. I do however try and have some me time, friend time and relationship time over weekends (mostly relationship time...).<br />
<br />
This past weekend was pretty awesome though. Yes I did have to finish off a couple assignments (which are thankfully done), but the rest of it I got to spend with awesome people doing awesome things.<br />
<br />
Saturday, was diet cheat day. Which I have decided isn't worth actually eating like a pig on crap food for 16 hours straight... I ate so much 'good' processed food its not even funny haha! I think however the processed part needs to stop (apart from chocolate though). Saturday also included pride, which was interesting... I've never been a fan of gay parades as you probably have noticed from a previous post this time last year, but it is interesting to so to what extremes people will go to show the world 'what they really are'???<br />
<br />
Sunday was the Nike RunJozi 10km race, which I have to be honest and say I didn't train for. And I also have to be honest and say that I couldn't have done it without the amazing woman that I ran next to. I think she's converted me into a runner. I have never had more fun running through a township (Sewerage and all...) chatting about life and random things ever...Granted I don't generally run (unless I'm being chased), and I don't walk randomly through townships (OK maybe 4 years ago I did), but still it was an inspiring and humbling event that I will remember for many years to come. Especially considering I might start running... for fun... Bring on the next RUNJOZI!!!!<br />
<br />
For the first time, in a long time, I felt like I achieved something yesterday. The last (if I remember correctly) was when I started bikram yoga last year. It was to some extent disappointing. Not the race itself, but the thought that in an entire year I haven't like I truly achieved something. That has got to change...<br />
<br />
7 days until this course is over! 7 days until I can start living life for me! 7 days until the future begins! Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-43318491259502841912012-10-03T19:58:00.001+02:002012-10-03T19:58:27.769+02:00New Music - RagtimeWhere have I been?<br />
How did we change,<br />
Caught in this strange<br />
New music?<br />
Say,<br />
Was I away too long?<br />
<br />
Just like that tune,<br />
Simple and clear,<br />
I've come to hear<br />
New music.<br />
<br />
New music.<br />
<br />
Why, Why can't you hear the song?<br />
<br />
His fingers stoke those keys,<br />
And every note says "Please",<br />
And every chord says "Turn my way."<br />
<br />
I thought I knew<br />
What love was but these lovers play...<br />
<br />
New music!<br />
Haunting me, <br />
And somehow taunting me-<br />
My love was never half as true.<br />
<br />
And I as myself, <br />
Why can't I sing it too?<br />
<br />
His fingers stoke those keys,<br />
And every note says "Please",<br />
And every chord says "Turn my way."<br />
<br />
I thought I knew<br />
What love was <br />
but these lovers play<br />
New music!<br />
<br />
Haunting me, <br />
And somehow taunting me-<br />
My love was <br />
Never half as true.<br />
<br />
Sarah, my life has changed.<br />
Sarah, you've got to see.<br />
Sarah, we got a son!<br />
Sarah, come down to me...<br />
<br />
You and your music<br />
Singing deep in me, <br />
Making nice to me, <br />
Saying something so new-<br />
<br />
New<br /><br />
Changing everything,<br />
Meaning everything,<br />
<br />
Music<br />
<br />
Calling my heart to you... <br />
<br />
All for you, girl.<br />
You, Sarah.<br /><br />
Play that melody,<br />
Your sweet melody, <br />
Calling my heart to you.<br />
<br />
You.<br />
<br />
Just like that tune,<br />
Simple and clear,<br />
I've come to hear<br />
New music-<br />
Breaking my heart,<br />
Op'ning a door,<br />
Changing the world!<br />
New music!<br />
I'll <br />
Hear it forevermore!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjUjjSaUlOeXfLCeMvSmbwKSVYFdQgsCxOy-fLi17gnc70bvVO8IVdrCHTYEoUm0HCUbTAFcmVRQWctPH94j4U_UuLaku1KlxXejbRq8Yfhjn7MGnDE2S2KL63MaxmIzZ2lYKjOiT4QHK8/s1600/tumblr_m7i91dlowZ1ryea1vo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjUjjSaUlOeXfLCeMvSmbwKSVYFdQgsCxOy-fLi17gnc70bvVO8IVdrCHTYEoUm0HCUbTAFcmVRQWctPH94j4U_UuLaku1KlxXejbRq8Yfhjn7MGnDE2S2KL63MaxmIzZ2lYKjOiT4QHK8/s400/tumblr_m7i91dlowZ1ryea1vo1_500.jpg" width="267" /></a>Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-83119162753772390112012-09-12T07:44:00.001+02:002012-09-12T07:44:25.456+02:00Emotions on your sleeve...I know a lot of people that share everything about themselves with the world. Every little detail is open to scrutiny and judgment, and even though in some ways I admire that, it sets you up for an attack from people around you. A little gripe with the boyfriend, the sad, emotional songs get posted. Every 5 minutes posting "I love you"s on their facebook wall... I'm definitely not having a go at anyone in particular, but I'm sure we're all aware of it.<br />
<br />
I'm not completely innocent here, I guess this blog is a way of me wearing my emotions on my sleeve, but the majority of people that read it are my close friends and know me very well anyway. If I had to write this on facebook, where people I hardly even know (my 'friends') read it, then that would be something completely different. I hope the people that come here to read what I have to say, do it because they want to because they are interested in my life and not for other reasons...<br />
<br />
Over the past month, I have come to realize that love is the bane of my existence. Well it feels that way anyway. I mean, love has started wars. I also realized that I have the ability to love unconditionally, and although that creeps me out and scares the crap out of me, it also makes me realize that I can love completely and because of that be completely loyal to someone.<br />
<br />
Being afraid of love isn't an unnatural thing. It places your whole existence on the line for someone else. I mean being in love is bliss, but it also makes you sick to the stomach. I like to think of it as almost like falling pregnant and raising a child. This tiny spark is struck that slowly builds and builds until love is conceived, but through the process of the 'pregnancy' and 'raising the child' all emotions possible get thrown at you and physical feelings that you could think of are experienced. And it's unless you are able to persist through the bad times, the child doesn't grow to be a whole and complete person. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but I get it.<br />
<br />
“Love. Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love, and love
what you write. The key word is love. You have to get up in the morning
and write something you love, something to live for.” -Ray Bradbury<br />
<br />
I googled 'feelings of love', because I wanted to know what other people have had to say about it before I wrote this blog. The first few search findings weren't necessarily what I was looking for, but useful/funny none the less.<br />
http://teenadvice.about.com/od/loveanddating/a/isitlove1.htm<br />
http://www.wikihow.com/Express-Your-Feelings-to-the-One-You-Love <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_VxPd8-SSsXon_wk5wDk4UqKA45MP3sDHhx2awF4uUoOCz290dxYiEErSlWUWhAkdbgNiY1qPjIvJ9XvxAq3YRBn3yPw-3UGTmoCG6ZMIj2ch0hw7ZVACsN7d2lyxJ9gpM6vlSyAJVDtS/s1600/tumblr_m9zdgwXJOf1r1v50ho1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_VxPd8-SSsXon_wk5wDk4UqKA45MP3sDHhx2awF4uUoOCz290dxYiEErSlWUWhAkdbgNiY1qPjIvJ9XvxAq3YRBn3yPw-3UGTmoCG6ZMIj2ch0hw7ZVACsN7d2lyxJ9gpM6vlSyAJVDtS/s320/tumblr_m9zdgwXJOf1r1v50ho1_500.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Feelings ~ Carol D. Meeks<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<pre><span style="font-size: small;">I didn't know I could love
anyone as much as I love you
for the sound of your voice,
makes all my dreams come true.
You walk into a room, and
I know you have arrived;
my heart skips a beat when
you walk up to my side.
I hope this kind of magic stays
forever between us two,
and the whole wide world will
know that God sent me you.</span></pre>
<br />Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-63228037746421514402012-09-07T07:57:00.001+02:002012-09-07T07:57:14.130+02:00Is there a right person?<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmoXmySBUCFFm5OkjNJ9-Pqtv671kmLUTY-oSAcR-C8Z4blL4mVoTrDqylK6bLhslQ7xdCzgR53ItwaZrcLM-uqlAC7IISxvvJZR56r38F67sL0rRlDXmoUR07SH5GKxPOvIqoXO0K8paL/s1600/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FdHVtYmxyX205d2plbHZxdTkxcWY4NGMzbzFfNTAwLmpwZw%253D%253D%253F%253D-734131"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmoXmySBUCFFm5OkjNJ9-Pqtv671kmLUTY-oSAcR-C8Z4blL4mVoTrDqylK6bLhslQ7xdCzgR53ItwaZrcLM-uqlAC7IISxvvJZR56r38F67sL0rRlDXmoUR07SH5GKxPOvIqoXO0K8paL/s320/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FdHVtYmxyX205d2plbHZxdTkxcWY4NGMzbzFfNTAwLmpwZw%253D%253D%253F%253D-734131" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5785309930483375522" /></a></p>We're all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there's no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems-the ones that make you truly who you are-that we're ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you're looking for. You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person - someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have."
<br>- Galway KinnellRagingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-74049557235148556992012-08-30T13:46:00.001+02:002012-08-30T13:46:40.320+02:00Second Chances...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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be doing my assignments and not drinking wine. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scrap that, that was last week. Clearly the alcohol didn’t
give the stars a voice. I think this blog has taken me the longest to write.
When you’re head thinks so many things all at once, writing seems pointless.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Things have been settling down slowly. The emotional turmoil
is settling, it’s still there for the most part. The battle between what my
heart wants to believe and what my mind keeps telling it isn’t the most
exciting argument to be a part of. I read somewhere<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA; mso-no-proof: yes;"> </span>'In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity.'
It didn’t feel like that a couple days ago, my sun and moon were ripped from me
by no wrong doing of my own and I had to deal with the consequences.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is theory called the Kubler-Ross Model, which basically
describes five stages of grief. A person can feel one of these at a time,
several at once and they appear in no specific order. </div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Denial (“I feel fine”)<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Anger (“It’s not fair”)</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span> Bargaining (“Can we still be friends?”)</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span> Depression (“I’m so sad, why go on?”) </div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span> Acceptance (“It’s going to be ok”)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The past two weeks have been an amalgamation of all of these
spinning through my head at a furious rate. It’s hard to find balance and meaning
when you’re inner monologue is fighting itself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Promises are something I don’t do lightly. In my past I have
made mistakes which have led to me having to break promises. But I dealt with
the consequences of breaking the promises. Little white lies probably destroy
our own souls more than it does to the people we tell them to. Small things we
say like “I can’t make it, I’m feeling sick” or “I’m feeling fine, honest” slow
start to eat away at us and leads us to the point were bigger lies seem less
wrong. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Life is all about second chances, not third chances and
fourth chances. If we don’t get a second chance at something or give something
a second chance, we will never know what the possibilities are. Just because
you’re not good at something the first time, or you mess things up the first
time, if you really want something bad enough, learn from the mistakes you made
and allow them to make the second chance better. If you are offered a second chance, take it by the horns and don't let go. </div>
Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-54159809016591662242012-08-23T13:35:00.001+02:002012-08-23T13:35:07.748+02:00Guardian - Alanis Morissette<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUjy81RfO9Yo8v9ZOSgjmRBpazPutEdybyiY3N6JwkMTlcMiWl0lyY3xxk95sVpGVV1Zy7o5pdScPH1HEe4kXB2iaxjpqfw___Yno70ouiildMd4o1IbszyquiAJU8g9qdAac_xST7xIeN/s1600/jared-padalecki.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUjy81RfO9Yo8v9ZOSgjmRBpazPutEdybyiY3N6JwkMTlcMiWl0lyY3xxk95sVpGVV1Zy7o5pdScPH1HEe4kXB2iaxjpqfw___Yno70ouiildMd4o1IbszyquiAJU8g9qdAac_xST7xIeN/s320/jared-padalecki.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_1"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2976">You, you who has smiled when you’re in pain</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_2"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2976"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_2"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2976">You who has soldiered through the profane</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_3"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2976"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2976">They were distracted and shut down</em></span>
<br /><span class="line line-s" id="line_4"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2978"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_4"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2978">So why, why would you talk to me at all</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_5"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2978">such words were dishonorable and in vain</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_6"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2978">their promise as solid as a fog</em></span>
<br /><span class="line line-s" id="line_7"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2980">and where was your watchman then</em></span>
<br /><span class="line line-s" id="line_8"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2982"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_8"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2982">I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian</em></span> </span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_9"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2982">I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_10"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2982"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_10"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2982">I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_11"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2982"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_11"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2982">The greatest honor of all, as your guardian</em></span>
<br /><span class="line line-s" id="line_12"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2984">you, you in the chaos feigning sane</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_13"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2984"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_13"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2984">You who has pushed beyond what’s humane</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_14"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2984"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_14"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2984">Them as the ghostly tumbleweed</em></span> <span class="line line-s" id="line_15"><span style="color: #888888; font-size: 0.75em;"></span></span>
<br /><span class="line line-s" id="line_16"> </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_16">And where was your watchman then</span>
<br /><span class="line line-s" id="line_17">I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_18"> </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_18">I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_19"> </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_19">I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_20"> </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_20">The greatest honor of all, as your guardian</span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_20"> </span>
<br /><span class="line line-s" id="line_21"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2986">now no more smiling mid-crestfall</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_22"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2986"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_22"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2986">No more managing unmanageables</em></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_23"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2986"> </em></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_23"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2986">No more holding still in the hailstorm</em></span>
<br /><span class="line line-s" id="line_24"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2986">Now enter your watchwoman</em></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/7q0reAgBMYA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_24"><em class="smline sm" data-meaningid="2986"> </em></span>
<br /><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_25">I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian</span> </span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_26">I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden</span> </span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_27">I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand</span>
<span class="line line-s hover" id="line_28"> </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_28">The greatest honor of all, as your guardian</span></span>Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-27868648804927505762012-08-18T20:28:00.000+02:002012-08-18T20:53:37.350+02:00Forgetting is the hard part...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I
haven’t blogged for a while. When life seems to be the best it’s been in a
while, one feels like it isn’t necessary to put things in writing to let the
world know. You hope that people can see your happiness and share in it.
Written words and actions are quite different…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I
think that I blog not only to share what I feel with the world, but also to
remind myself of what I’ve been through and how I felt. I’ve been judged
before, for being so open and for the pictures that go along with the blog. I’m
open, because people can learn from what I experience, not because I want to
put in writing every detail of my life, but to give people the hope that things
can change. Change isn’t a bad thing, it allows us to adapt and create the
destiny through which we achieve what we are meant to and not what other people
expect us to be. The pictures are because all men are visually stimulated and
we appreciate beautiful things, nothing more.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">People
shouldn’t expect us to be good, to do the right thing and act a certain way. We
should want to do these things out of our own free will, because we want to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The
past week has been an emotional roller coaster. Every conceivable emotion I
have ever felt I experienced. I think sorrow was the most dominant. My heart
felt like it was ripped from my chest. A friend described it pretty accurately,
“It leaves you feeling like your gut has been ripped out and someone has stuck
their arm up through your chest and punched your heart.”</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGBz37bB3B0A7ic4MWq-b1hGr2RkWs9XmpNfXVJq969Fm8eMbipdLDXvfliJKmufb6a99mZxN338LJ_VsHL-83RJhF1VvUK0Twx38rOEKyZsCB0m48F8HaS_FHmFDtUs9mLSqrEHa7YAIX/s1600/man-crying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGBz37bB3B0A7ic4MWq-b1hGr2RkWs9XmpNfXVJq969Fm8eMbipdLDXvfliJKmufb6a99mZxN338LJ_VsHL-83RJhF1VvUK0Twx38rOEKyZsCB0m48F8HaS_FHmFDtUs9mLSqrEHa7YAIX/s320/man-crying.jpg" width="261" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">A
facebook friend posted this today and it pretty much sums up how I feel…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 6;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">"Unless someone like
you...cares a whole awful lot...nothing is going to get better...It's
not." Dr. Suess</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 6;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 6;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The <span style="text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Oxford English Dictionary</span> defines
forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an
offense or debt'. This I do freely, because I know there is a better person
inside most people that they don’t always allow to show. Forgetting however, that’s
the difficult thing to get right. When we see someone, hear about someone or
even remember someone that has done us wrong, it reminds us of things that they
have done. It’s weird though, when even though someone has torn your world
apart, you can’t but help look at them and remember the good things they have
brought into your life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-73630575845536102932012-08-16T08:45:00.001+02:002012-08-23T13:40:52.922+02:00For Good(Elphaba):
<br />
I'm limited
<br />
Just look at me - I'm limited
<br />
And just look at you
<br />
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
<br />
So now it's up to you
<br />
For both of us - now it's up to you...
<br />
(Glinda):
<br />
I've heard it said
<br />
That people come into our lives for a reason
<br />
Bringing something we must learn
<br />
And we are led
<br />
To those who help us most to grow
<br />
If we let them
<br />
And we help them in return
<br />
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
<br />
But I know I'm who I am today
<br />
Because I knew you...
<br />
Like a comet pulled from orbit
<br />
As it passes a sun
<br />
Like a stream that meets a boulder
<br />
Halfway through the wood
<br />
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
<br />
But because I knew you
<br />
I have been changed for good
<br />
(Elphaba):
<br />
It well may be
<br />
That we will never meet again
<br />
In this lifetime
<br />
So let me say before we part
<br />
So much of me
<br />
Is made from what I learned from you
<br />
You'll be with me
<br />
Like a handprint on my heart
<br />
And now whatever way our stories end
<br />
I know you have re-written mine
<br />
By being my friend...
<br />
Like a ship blown from its mooring
<br />
<br />
By a wind off the sea
<br />
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
<br />
In a distant wood
<br />
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
<br />
But because I knew you
<br />
(Glinda):
<br />
Because I knew you
<br />
(Both):
<br />
I have been changed for good
<br />
(Elphaba):
<br />
And just to clear the air
<br />
I ask forgiveness
<br />
For the things I've done you blame me for
<br />
(Glinda):
<br />
But then, I guess we know
<br />
There's blame to share
<br />
(Both):
<br />
And none of it seems to matter anymore
<br />
(Glinda):
<br />
Like a comet pulled from orbit
<br />
As it passes a sun
<br />
Like a stream that meets a boulder
<br />
Halfway through the wood
<br />
(Elphaba):
<br />
Like a ship blown from its mooring
<br />
By a wind off the sea
<br />
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
<br />
(Both):
<br />
Who can say if I've been
<br />
Changed for the better?
<br />
I do believe I have been
<br />
Changed for the better
<br />
(Glinda):
<br />
And because I knew you...
<br />
(Elphaba):
<br />
Because I knew you...
<br />
(Both):
<br />
Because I knew you...
<br />
I have been changed for good...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/lQYmSfLAbJ8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-2228401766726073552012-07-16T12:17:00.001+02:002012-07-16T12:17:56.625+02:00Don't Make Me Over ~ Dionne Warwick<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHvPSraWbXF2Bz4mqR3e2BV_qsCSlv1C0A1zt84B9PF5WpLBhV5w4jBpGXMvSB-GqWI0v1_tQseuieU5WkYV8A1-0gcwgFrISq9ooA2Iz7zpPrYU6eEw2oYLEwGmGCNJRH3HaN2X4EpivB/s1600/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FNGUyNzIzM2I5NTQ4NS5qcGc%253D%253F%253D-776626"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHvPSraWbXF2Bz4mqR3e2BV_qsCSlv1C0A1zt84B9PF5WpLBhV5w4jBpGXMvSB-GqWI0v1_tQseuieU5WkYV8A1-0gcwgFrISq9ooA2Iz7zpPrYU6eEw2oYLEwGmGCNJRH3HaN2X4EpivB/s320/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FNGUyNzIzM2I5NTQ4NS5qcGc%253D%253F%253D-776626" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5765709600219336098" /></a></p>Don't make me over
<br>Now that I'd do anything for you
<br>Don't make me over
<br>Now that you know how I adore you
<br>
<br>Don't pick on the things I say, the things I do
<br>Just love me with all my faults, that way that I love you
<br>I'm begging you
<br>
<br>Don't make me over
<br>Now that I can't make it without you
<br>Don't make me over
<br>I wouldn't change one thing about you
<br>
<br>Just take me inside your arms and hold me tight
<br>And always be by my side, if I am wrong or right
<br>I'm begging you
<br>
<br>Don't make me over
<br>Don't make me over
<br>Now that you've got me at your command
<br>
<br>Accept me for what I am
<br>Accept me for the things that I do
<br>Accept me for what I am
<br>Accept me for the things that I do
<br>
<br>Now that I'd do anything for you
<br>Now that you know how I adore you
<br>
<br>Just take me inside your arms and hold me tight
<br>And always be by my side, if I am wrong or right
<br>I'm begging you
<br>
<br>Don't make me over
<br>Don't make me over
<br>Now that you've got me at your command
<br>
<br>Accept me for what I am
<br>Accept me for the things that I do
<br>Accept me for what I am
<br>Accept me for the things that I doRagingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-21677012466755229962012-06-29T20:28:00.001+02:002012-06-29T20:28:55.745+02:00Sudden changes....<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Life somehow always has its curve balls. No matter how much
fun you are having and no how much you’ve already been through, there is always
something to create more trouble or alter the course of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today my brother and I painted the living room of his new
flat. It was on old dirty ochre colour from the previous owner and we painted
it a pebble stone grey. It really looks a lot neater and more impressive as a
room in general.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During lunch, my brother sprung the question on me. He said
my mom had burst into tears once when he asked how I was, which cascaded into
her telling him that I’m gay. This was about 2 months ago. He said that was the
first time he had cried since my dad had died and that he had always thought of
our children playing together one day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He seemed very accepting but at the same time not. He still
sees me as his brother, but he can’t accept that me being gay wasn’t a choice
that I made somewhere in my life. And even though I tried to explain, he is so
stuck in his ways (as he always has been) that nothing I said got through to
him. And I don’t think anything but time will change that. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To some extent I’m relieved that he knows, I expected him to
react a lot worse. There were so many things that I could have brought up about
our past that would have made him think things over. I had to restrain myself
though. I wasn’t ready for an argument or for putting up walls, so I just let
things be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With that anti-climax to my holiday, the climax of my
holiday was also reached a couple hours later. My brother booked for us to see ‘Wicked’
at the Apollo theatre in London. It was truly and amazing show. The set design,
the vocals, the music, the set design and the acting were all awesome. The
leads did however hit high notes that were extremely piercing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqtgPTnzEttLiZJUQr6R98V2XxHhFUnZ45r-0DSYBoh42w5u6bgS1-oej_0JpzBo7w7F89KiGfIutdD7WP8xmSVv-4zMdtTvYsIUYFRVPLIEHI_Vesdh8h89nUNQyp6xyMV0FiUxcvb_kp/s1600/Wicked_2010.jpghires.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqtgPTnzEttLiZJUQr6R98V2XxHhFUnZ45r-0DSYBoh42w5u6bgS1-oej_0JpzBo7w7F89KiGfIutdD7WP8xmSVv-4zMdtTvYsIUYFRVPLIEHI_Vesdh8h89nUNQyp6xyMV0FiUxcvb_kp/s320/Wicked_2010.jpghires.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All in all its been a pretty good holiday. Just one thing
missing….</div>Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-81409957519735398582012-06-24T19:54:00.000+02:002012-06-24T19:56:58.770+02:00Day 3 & 4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiDzs5XeuBcOQ52Yi9AIdDBuQxLxablEAMFX-N4Vn62OtkHVrAy3seSQY3EHX0J6WhDLt4WbWMTSPrkTDXAEVt4q1duOik8CmYDeXLU9A4VXrsCPHXNC44SguN9Zn2UAtjcfEI22jtNv9q/s1600/Blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiDzs5XeuBcOQ52Yi9AIdDBuQxLxablEAMFX-N4Vn62OtkHVrAy3seSQY3EHX0J6WhDLt4WbWMTSPrkTDXAEVt4q1duOik8CmYDeXLU9A4VXrsCPHXNC44SguN9Zn2UAtjcfEI22jtNv9q/s320/Blog.jpg" width="178" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The past two days have been pretty cool. Yesterday morning
we ended up going to the beach. Going to the beach in England is like playing
the lottery. Either it ends up being an amazing day or the weather is shocking.
Yesterday surprisingly turned out to be slap bang in the middle of the two, it
was cloudy and the wind was blowing like crazy. But as English people do, we
ended up spending the day on the beach. And… had a barbecque… Which ended up
being a sandy sausage roll…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last night my brother and I made dinner for the family to
thank them for having us. Prawn and chorizo tagliatelle, <span style="font-family: Wingdings;"></span>not half bad if I don’t say
it myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Family interactions are always fascinating to me and how
people that regularly spend time with each other interrelate with one another.
The comments that people make and whether other people pick up on sarcasm, tone
changes and subtle irritations. Some people regularly overact when it isn’t necessary.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today we ended up going for lunch at a country club. The
food wasn’t amazing, but the setting was beautiful. As we finished lunch, the
sun came out. A drive to a beach was in order. Blue skies, sandy beaches and
fresh ocean breeze. </div>Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-48395496667662602232012-06-22T09:19:00.000+02:002012-06-23T09:20:46.370+02:00Day 2<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I landed at Heathrow Airport around 6:30am (GMT) on Thursday
morning. The airport was a hive of activity as expected. Heathrow is one of
those airports that if you’re not sure of where to go you can easily get lost
and it takes a decent amount of time to get from wherever you are to where you
are supposed to be. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Being a British citizen has its perks. It literally took me
two minutes to walk through immigration and customs, while the majority of my
flight ended up having to wait about twenty minutes. While I was waiting for my
luggage to come through, I chatted to an English gentleman who had been
visiting his sister(An Aid worker) in Maputo, Mozambique. He was a professor that was teaching
at a university in Canada (Didn’t get the name or where). </div>
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<br /></div>
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Even though it is summer here, and fairly warm and slightly
humid, the rain and clouds welcomed me to London. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Taxis (or cabs) in London are an interesting experience. The
road structure, layout and generally driving itself is something I didn’t
really have the opportunity to experience the last time I was here 8 years ago.
With the London Underground, the overground rail and the buses, one easily
forgets how much of a labyrinth the London transport system is. My brother and
I spent most of the taxi ride back to his apartment (which took about 45
minutes) catching up on what was happening back home and how all the family
are.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I had forgotten how much I enjoy big cities. I mean,
Johannesburg is big, but that is area big and the houses are fairly spread out. London is way bigger
(Area), and each house can have several smaller apartments in it (So population
size is much larger). My brother’s apartment is really awesome and I was quite
jealous when I walked in. The house is situated on a hill that overlooks most
of Kent and you can see most of the roofs of the houses. It reminded me of the
chimney sweeps in ‘Mary Poppins’ with all the ceramic chimney tops and
scattered church steeples. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We ended up going to Stratford to see the Olympic Park,
which is still under construction (All I ended up seeing was the side of the new stadium). So we walked around the new
Westfields Shopping Centre. It is a beautiful building on the inside, with a
slight continuous curve to it that gives the impression that it carries on for
days.</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I had a bit of a
culture shock walking through the center. I am not racist, but in South Africa
the cultural and political history has left racial divides in terms of job
standards and what people are or are not willing to do. I had forgotten how in
London people aren’t afraid to work for their money, no matter what job it is
and no matter what race you are. If that meant cleaning toilets, mopping floors
in a shopping centre or removing garbage.</div>
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<br /></div>
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It amazes me how trendy and how cosmopolitan London is. I
easily heard 16 different languages in my first 5 hours of being here. The
majority of people are good looking and stylish and go out of their way to be
that way.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While writing this, I am sitting on a blow up mattress in the
box room of a quaint house in Dartmouth, Devon. Yesterday evening we met my
brother’s girlfriend and caught a train out west to visit her family. I loved
the train ride through the green rolling hills of English countryside. We were
fetched from the train station and driven through the narrow roads between
Totnes and Dartmouth. My brother’s girlfriend’s family is quite interesting and
the way they interact with my brother reminded me of how my father used to
interact with my mother’s family. But, as I had only slept for 2 hours in 2
days I slowly started become quieter and quieter. </div>Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-1143496158840348722012-06-21T15:48:00.004+02:002012-06-23T09:14:11.286+02:00Jetsetter<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two weeks ago, I drove past OR Tambo International Airport
as a Boeing A330-200 was taking off. My heart sank. Strange you might think?
But the thought of travel has always intrigued me. Right now, I am sitting in
Seat 48K on a Boeing A330-200 en route to London. My heart sank two weeks ago,
because I knew that today I was going to be leaving, escaping the tiredness of
work and Johannesburg’s busy streets. I have needed his holiday for many weeks,
and I have been slowly building up excitement for it. I am sad to go and wish
that my boyfriend was coming with me, I know he’s very jealous of me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes in life we get stuck in a rut, the mundane
routines of our days and week start to drain the life and energy out of us. We
start missing the small things that really matter in life. The sun shining on
our skin, the wind rushing through the trees, birds chirping, smiles of random
people we pass, the touch of a loved one’s hand. It all becomes blurred by the
bland routines that start overwhelming our lives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say change is as good as a holiday. But a holiday
itself is even better. Exploring new things, finding interest in the things
that are normally cut out by our work routine and daily habits. Life isn’t
about the routines, about how much money we make, if we succeed or if we have
the house on the hill that everyone wants. It’s about finding contentment in
what we have and what we are surrounded with, learning from our mistakes and
experiencing the wonder of the world we live in. At the same time it is about
exploring and finding what makes us happy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
11PM</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
OK, lets get back to the flight… I’m sitting next to a
lovely Afrikaans lady from George in the Eastern Cape who has been working as a
teacher in Kingston-upon-Hull for the past 10 years. The two gentleman in front
of me are father and son. The father is watching a South African movie and the
son is fiddling around on the remote of the seatback television. The gentleman
across the isle from them is a freelance journalist for BBC, he grew up in
Durban and used to live in Hillbrow in the 60’s. He keeps complaining how
different downtown Johannesburg is, even
though the infrastructure has improved vastly, the buildings are dilapidated
and the crime has sky rocketed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Directly across from me is a mother, daughter and two
grandchildren (The babies are clearly medicated, they haven’t made a sound
since we left the airport. The gentleman behind me however has a 2 year old
sitting on his lap who continues to kick at the back of my chair and squeals at
the top of her lungs at random moments. All I can say is that I am greatful
that I’m not sitting next to them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I look out the small portal window next to me and I see
nothing but deepest darkest Africa… I am looking forward to the sun rising in
the morning. Luckily I have an east facing window. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The plane, that I kept mentioning in the beginning, the one
I’m sitting in, is a beautiful plane… Aptly named Charlotte Maxeke…She is
currently flying at 838km/h at 36000 feet above see level (That’s roughly 11kms
above the earth. If I were outside right now I would be dying of hypothermia.
(Oh wait there goes the kid behind me again…. WAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAA, kick kick).
Yes, that is a useless bunch of information, but you read it anyway. ;)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not sure when I will
be able to post this, but hopefully it will get to done as soon as possible.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There go the babies. Its like a flipping chain reaction, as
soon as one starts the next one goes…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh and did I mention how I love turbulence… Its like a
roller coaster without the coaster… or
the rollers for that matter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4AM</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The sky is slowly starting to fill up with crimson,
aquamarines and deep blue. Venus slowly creeping over the horizon, trying to
catch up to Jupiter. The heavens are really wondrous when one takes the time out
to just take it all in.</div>Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-14843659567845305242012-06-12T23:08:00.001+02:002012-06-12T23:08:06.371+02:00Its all a Number GameIt's difficult to find a balance between various aspects in our lives in this day and age. Fast food, fast cars, fast fast fast.... Things never seem to stop. People start spiraling out of control because of the speed and pace of society and the expectations that it places on us. Sometimes we even lose ourselves trying to live up to this 'ideal' of 'It needs to be done perfect the first time, every time'. We forget that we weren't made to do everything the right way, we are all fallible and we are all here to learn about ourselves and others by the mistakes we make.<br />
<br />
If you google 'doing things right', there are 777 million results. 'Success' has 237 million results. 'Happiness' has 316 million results. <i>'Smile' has 1.4 billion results.</i> 'Work Satisfaction' has 52.6 million results. 'Sadness' has 16 million. 'Depression' has 276 million results. These are just a couple results. What I am trying to get at is that society demands that we do things right and not that we are satisfied if we did it right or not. Something funny in that though, is that you better smile while you doing it....<br />
<br />
The people that we allow in our lives are probably the biggest influence on how we program ourselves to think in certain ways and act in certain ways. They are also the driving force behind the expectations we place on ourselves. Many people can exist without allowing others to influence them. Not the easiest thing to do, but it can be done. At times the people we allow into our lives make living easier and build us up at every opportunity they get and others do the complete opposite... I guess life should be a balance of this push and pull. <br />
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We need to remember though, not everyone is gonna like us every minute of everyday. And that's ok.... if we had to please everyone we pretty much start forgetting about ourselves. With over 7 billion people that could possibly disagree with us or not like us in the 86,400 seconds that make up a day, it might be a good idea to cut ourselves a little slack.Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-28465000455730119962012-05-16T15:23:00.000+02:002012-05-16T15:23:44.233+02:00IF - Rudyard Kipling<i>If you can keep your head when all about you<br />
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;<br />
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,<br />
But make allowance for their doubting too:<br />
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,<br />
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,<br />
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,<br />
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;</i><br />
<i>If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;<br />
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,<br />
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster<br />
And treat those two impostors just the same:<br />
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken<br />
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,<br />
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,<br />
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;</i><br />
<i>If you can make one heap of all your winnings<br />
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,<br />
And lose, and start again at your beginnings<br />
And never breathe a word about your loss:<br />
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew<br />
To serve your turn long after they are gone,<br />
And so hold on when there is nothing in you<br />
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’</i><br />
<i>If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,<br />
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,<br />
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,<br />
If all men count with you, but none too much:<br />
If you can fill the unforgiving minute<br />
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,<br />
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,<br />
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!</i><br />
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Where to start?<br />
<br />
Well, firstly, I'm going to visit my brother in London towards the end of June. I am really looking forward to it. I've missed travelling abroad. It's something that if I had the money I would want to do 3-4 times a year. Anyway, going to be there for 10 days and hoping to go visit all the places I went to when I was there 9 years ago. And hoping to take a ton of photo's which I'll post the good ones when I get back in July.<br />
<br />
This week was my 3 month anniversary (or Tuesday, which ever you prefer) with a really amazing guy. Things seem to be going really well. I enjoy just being around him and being there when he interacts with other people. It's a strange feeling, for the first time I feel like I belong in a relationship as opposed to trying to force a relationship to happen.<br />
<br />
I'm busy doing a course at the moment, which seems to be taking up the majority of my time. It's pretty frustrating, the course isn't very well put together and the assignments are almost by-the-by. Nothing is definite. Alas, I must trudge on until October.<br />
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I've also very recently started a lifestyle blog called <a href="http://lifestylehound.blogspot.com/">The Lifestyle Hound</a> which pretty much covers things that I am interested and want to teach others about. Check it out if you have time.<br />
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When I think of it, life is pretty awesome at the moment. It doesn't always feel like it admittedly. I think the course stress is a bit overwhelming sometimes, but I'll get through it.<br />
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Oh, and I've started Yoga again :DRagingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-68690915327667024172012-04-10T09:40:00.001+02:002012-04-10T09:40:42.412+02:00Desidarata - Max Ehrmann<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKMiuGuiFdh6gXvLYa5xR_W7PyWJiO0Lg6HMiGKbjlx12OeIKpBHn9sdN6Hkubc2yAMjFCn4Af4p8LhSacOGiA1_apYcI6YdakVCfTK6x1xMF5ngwlbEGpqfSwECRT-ApqGuHyJGuthNRv/s1600/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FdHVtYmxyX20wMGdjaUI2V1Axcm83dXhqbzFfNTAwLmpwZw%253D%253D%253F%253D-742413"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKMiuGuiFdh6gXvLYa5xR_W7PyWJiO0Lg6HMiGKbjlx12OeIKpBHn9sdN6Hkubc2yAMjFCn4Af4p8LhSacOGiA1_apYcI6YdakVCfTK6x1xMF5ngwlbEGpqfSwECRT-ApqGuHyJGuthNRv/s320/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FdHVtYmxyX20wMGdjaUI2V1Axcm83dXhqbzFfNTAwLmpwZw%253D%253D%253F%253D-742413" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5729673816739304882" /></a></p>Go placidly amid the noise and haste,<br>and remember what peace there may be in silence.<br>As far as possible without surrender<br>be on good terms with all persons.<br>Speak your truth quietly and clearly;<br>and listen to others,<br>even the dull and the ignorant;<br>they too have their story. <p><br>Avoid loud and aggressive persons,<br>they are vexations to the spirit.<br>If you compare yourself with others,<br>you may become vain and bitter;<br>for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.<br>Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. <p>Keep interested in your own career, however humble;<br>it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.<br>Exercise caution in your business affairs;<br>for the world is full of trickery.<br>But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;<br>many persons strive for high ideals;<br>and everywhere life is full of heroism. <p>Be yourself.<br>Especially, do not feign affection.<br>Neither be cynical about love;<br>for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment<br>it is as perennial as the grass. <p>Take kindly the counsel of the years,<br>gracefully surrendering the things of youth.<br>Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.<br>But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.<br>Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.<br>Beyond a wholesome discipline,<br>be gentle with yourself. <p>You are a child of the universe,<br>no less than the trees and the stars;<br>you have a right to be here.<br>And whether or not it is clear to you,<br>no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. <p>Therefore be at peace with God,<br>whatever you conceive Him to be,<br>and whatever your labors and aspirations,<br>in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. <p>With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,<br>it is still a beautiful world.<br>Be cheerful.<br>Strive to be happy.Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315429525357542151.post-21890485713533249272012-04-05T07:03:00.001+02:002012-04-05T07:03:13.168+02:00Can't sleep...<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1L0gf0oFOUgZMOm5sB1IO-dE7LKN9RA-kei2YNsj0j5pvIk8DgesL0ZJV3wEHULfp4y7EuPoKpzFMSlaM8hb_RBWCXSm7PAwnsmn-oY_8WwVt1MlC6yMpMKUOUx7GwOkj_MB-pYDlQLF7/s1600/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FNGYyMWM0ZTAxYzgwMS5qcGc%253D%253F%253D-793169"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1L0gf0oFOUgZMOm5sB1IO-dE7LKN9RA-kei2YNsj0j5pvIk8DgesL0ZJV3wEHULfp4y7EuPoKpzFMSlaM8hb_RBWCXSm7PAwnsmn-oY_8WwVt1MlC6yMpMKUOUx7GwOkj_MB-pYDlQLF7/s320/%253D%253Futf-8%253FB%253FNGYyMWM0ZTAxYzgwMS5qcGc%253D%253F%253D-793169" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5727777807541737490" /></a></p>I struggled to fall asleep tonight, and when I did fall asleep it didn't actually feel like I was asleep... Weird. My mind doesn't seem to want to shut down, at all... This isn't normal for me and I haven't had a night like this in a couple months. It's extremely frustrating and typically would happen before a day I know I'm going to be crazily busy. Blah... There's a lot on my mind I guess.<p>The course I'm doing this year just seems to get more and more overwhelming. It's not one of those sit in lectures and write exams courses, it's a full hands on, research based course with practical exams (which I hate with a passion) and the extra work over and above the lectures and my day job is damn stressful. Suppose I just need to suck it up and get on with it. Sometimes I just want to scream though.<p>Then there's the religious debate (this has just formed apart of everyday life now and doesn't really keep me). It's difficult having been brought up a charismatic christian, believing what I do and dealing with my sexuality. There are different debates and everyone has their own opinions on what is right, what is wrong, what the church says, what the Bible says and what God says. Processing it all does get a bit much sometimes, but I can't deny what I believe and what I feel. <p>Gym has fallen apart, I haven't been regularly in about 2 months, partly because work is super busy and I don't have energy and then also because of the course and amount of extra time it saps. I really do want to get back into it badly, just never seems to work.<p>They say life is yours and you control your destiny. I agree, but I haven't felt that way in a while.<p>The guy I'm seeing at the moment seems to be the only form of stability I have at the moment. He really is a great guy and I enjoy every minute I'm with/around him (even carrying boxes up 5 flights of stairs). Together with the friends I have, he keeps me sane. Even though he drives me crazy!<p>We recently went away for my birthday to visit my best friend in the Kruger National Park. It was awesome getting away, but way too short. It's amazing what being in the middle of nothingness can do for the soul. <p>And now I can hear birds chirping, so I'll leave you with this:<p>"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to please everybody."<p>"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."<p>"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."<p>"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to please everybody."Ragingboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837733754031419569noreply@blogger.com0