Its all a Number Game

It's difficult to find a balance between various aspects in our lives in this day and age. Fast food, fast cars, fast fast fast.... Things never seem to stop. People start spiraling out of control because of the speed and pace of society and the expectations that it places on us. Sometimes we even lose ourselves trying to live up to this 'ideal' of 'It needs to be done perfect the first time, every time'. We forget that we weren't made to do everything the right way, we are all fallible and we are all here to learn about ourselves and others by the mistakes we make.

If you google 'doing things right', there are 777 million results. 'Success' has 237 million results. 'Happiness' has 316 million results. 'Smile' has 1.4 billion results. 'Work Satisfaction' has 52.6 million results. 'Sadness' has 16 million. 'Depression' has 276 million results. These are just a couple results. What I am trying to get at is that society demands that we do things right and not that we are satisfied if we did it right or not. Something funny in that though, is that you better smile while you doing it....

The people that we allow in our lives are probably the biggest influence on how we program ourselves to think in certain ways and act in certain ways. They are also the driving force behind the expectations we place on ourselves. Many people can exist without allowing others to influence them. Not the easiest thing to do, but it can be done. At times the people we allow into our lives make living easier and build us up at every opportunity they get and others do the complete opposite... I guess life should be a balance of this push and pull.

We need to remember though, not everyone is gonna like us every minute of everyday. And that's ok.... if we had to please everyone we pretty much start forgetting about ourselves. With over 7 billion people that could possibly disagree with us or not like us in the 86,400 seconds that make up a day, it might be a good idea to cut ourselves a little slack.

IF - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

What's been happening?

Life has been quiet all over the place lately. Lots of comings and goings. Where to start?

Well, firstly, I'm going to visit my brother in London towards the end of June. I am really looking forward to it. I've missed travelling abroad. It's something that if I had the money I would want to do 3-4 times a year. Anyway, going to be there for 10 days and hoping to go visit all the places I went to when I was there 9 years ago. And hoping to take a ton of photo's which I'll post the good ones when I get back in July.

This week was my 3 month anniversary (or Tuesday, which ever you prefer) with a really amazing guy. Things seem to be going really well. I enjoy just being around him and being there when he interacts with other people. It's a strange feeling, for the first time I feel like I belong in a relationship as opposed to trying to force a relationship to happen.

I'm busy doing a course at the moment, which seems to be taking up the majority of my time. It's pretty frustrating, the course isn't very well put together and the assignments are almost by-the-by. Nothing is definite. Alas, I must trudge on until October.

I've also very recently started a lifestyle blog called The Lifestyle Hound which pretty much covers things that I am interested and want to teach others about. Check it out if you have time.

When I think of it, life is pretty awesome at the moment. It doesn't always feel like it admittedly. I think the course stress is a bit overwhelming sometimes, but I'll get through it.

Oh, and I've started Yoga again :D

Desidarata - Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Can't sleep...

I struggled to fall asleep tonight, and when I did fall asleep it didn't actually feel like I was asleep... Weird. My mind doesn't seem to want to shut down, at all... This isn't normal for me and I haven't had a night like this in a couple months. It's extremely frustrating and typically would happen before a day I know I'm going to be crazily busy. Blah... There's a lot on my mind I guess.

The course I'm doing this year just seems to get more and more overwhelming. It's not one of those sit in lectures and write exams courses, it's a full hands on, research based course with practical exams (which I hate with a passion) and the extra work over and above the lectures and my day job is damn stressful. Suppose I just need to suck it up and get on with it. Sometimes I just want to scream though.

Then there's the religious debate (this has just formed apart of everyday life now and doesn't really keep me). It's difficult having been brought up a charismatic christian, believing what I do and dealing with my sexuality. There are different debates and everyone has their own opinions on what is right, what is wrong, what the church says, what the Bible says and what God says. Processing it all does get a bit much sometimes, but I can't deny what I believe and what I feel.

Gym has fallen apart, I haven't been regularly in about 2 months, partly because work is super busy and I don't have energy and then also because of the course and amount of extra time it saps. I really do want to get back into it badly, just never seems to work.

They say life is yours and you control your destiny. I agree, but I haven't felt that way in a while.

The guy I'm seeing at the moment seems to be the only form of stability I have at the moment. He really is a great guy and I enjoy every minute I'm with/around him (even carrying boxes up 5 flights of stairs). Together with the friends I have, he keeps me sane. Even though he drives me crazy!

We recently went away for my birthday to visit my best friend in the Kruger National Park. It was awesome getting away, but way too short. It's amazing what being in the middle of nothingness can do for the soul.

And now I can hear birds chirping, so I'll leave you with this:

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to please everybody."

"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to please everybody."

Angel ~ Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

There is always hope!

There are times in our lives when we feel that the only way up is out. By that I mean, when life throws us curve balls and kicks us when we done it seems like there isn't a point to living. It feels like there is no reason to carry on, no sign of life left inside to drive us and no urge to fight.

Life isn't about being happy 24/7. It isn't about coming out on top every time. It isn't about doing it right the first time. It isn't about having all the answers. It isn't about being perfect. Life is about how we react to and deal with the situations that are presented to us. To learn to use them so that we learn from our experiences and come out as better people is the hard part.

It's difficult to be optimistic about everything that comes our way. It's difficult to smile when everything seems like its falling apart. It's difficult to pick yourself up when the world seems to implode into itself.

One thing is certain in all the experiences, circumstances and situations that happen life, it's that there is hope. Hope for something better, hope for a new tomorrow and hope circumstances will change.

It may sound like I have all the answers, and I know exactly what I'm talking about. But I dont. I just know that there is always going to be a tomorrow that will be better than today. And as the sun rises brand new each day, we have the opportunity to challenge ourselves and life to be better people and learn from each and every interaction and situation that crosses our paths.