I have a very active mind, one that doesn't really stop, even if I try and force it. I think about situations I could have acted differently in, possibilities of future situations and how to act, about people that I care about and wonder what they doing and things I need to do. I am this way and have been since I can remember. I am not the type of person that changes when I'm around different people, I'm generally the same. That given, certain people do bring out the best and the worst in me.
Last night my ex called (The first guy I dated), it brought back a lot of memories. It's amazing how even though someone broke your heart and hurt you so badly, they will always have apart of you. Love is a strange thing and although I crave it, I don't think I will ever understand it. But is it meant to be understood? Or just felt and enjoyed?
I'm trying to stop talking about my crush on here, but I need to share some stuff about what is going on, not that anything is. He told me several weeks ago and on several other occasions that he cares about me (not intended in a gay way, I don't think), but at the same time he hardly shows it. I'm getting over him and the whole situation, I'm tired of getting hurt by guys and this isn't going to be one of those situations where I set myself up for it. I knew nothing would come of it and I never expected anything in the first place! I'll always be here for him as a friend and he knows that.
My plans for next year have been in limbo for the past 2 weeks and will still be for a while. There is a job that I am interested in, that could open up many doors for me and is in the city where my family is. I still need to apply for it, but the post is still vacant! If that falls through, plans will continue as normal. But I really am hoping it works out.
Being sick has kinda made me a little down, it could also be the pain killers which are making me tired. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow!
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