MUSH

For the past 3 or so weeks I have been feeling very peculiar. I choose the word peculiar, because it's difficult to describe any other way.

Simply put, my brain feels like mush...

I struggle to concentrate, my thought patterns are haywire, I lose track of what week it is, never mind what day... Things are very strange and I can't explain it. I started yoga, roughly around the same time that this all started. I also however, had my medication increased... In the Yoga studio, I can focus and everything is perfect. The second I leave my brain goes into overload.

It's getting to a point where I pretty much feel numb and oblivious to the things that are going on around me. I phase out at times while friends are talking to me. (which has resulted in an argument or two)

I;m not sure if it is because everything is happening at once and I'm trying to think ahead and plan. I try live one day at a time, but it's difficult when your brain decides to do something else.

I had made arrangements to view a new flat last night (this was arranged 3 days ago), but the middle of the day yesterday my brain decides to tell me that I missed it and it was last week that I was supposed to go. Luckily the guy messaged me to remind me yesterday afternoon. (The place was crap small and dark though)

I don't really know what to do!?! I mean do I carry on for a while and hope things level out? Hmmmpf

Depression...

I'm writing this post for a good friend of mine, for everyone who reads this and most of all myself. A couple years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression, I had progressively gotten to a point where little things would overwhelm me and going through the paces of life gave me no satisfaction. I even lost interest in the things I enjoyed most.

I had a discussion with my friend last night about what it is to be depressed. He was struggling to understand what I was going through and how my thought patterns worked. It is hard for someone outside to understand how you feel when your depressed. So I researched a bit and found some information on the topic.

Firstly, before I go into that. You have to realise that a depressed person doesn't one day decide to be depressed. It's not like an epiphany that your depression suddenly dawned on you. It's a slow progressive spiral into the darkest place you've ever known.

"We all go through ups and downs in our mood. Sadness is a normal reaction to life’s struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word “depression” to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness"

"Depression is a loaded word in our culture. Many associate it, however wrongly, with a sign of weakness and excessive emotion. This is especially true with men. Depressed men are less likely than women to acknowledge feelings of self-loathing and hopelessness. Instead, they tend to complain about fatigue, irritability, sleep problems, and loss of interest in work and hobbies. Other signs and symptoms of depression in men include anger, aggression, violence, reckless behavior, and substance abuse. Even though depression rates for women are twice as high as those in men, men are a higher suicide risk, especially older men."

I explained it to my friend like this, I feel the way I do and don't know why I feel the way I do. I don't have one reason for feeling this way. There's an overhwelming sorrow and sadness that I have no control over. And with every new thing that upsets me, all the past thoughts and emotions flood out.

Depression isn't something that you need to take the blame for, you shouldn't have to take the blame for how you feel. There are chemical reactions and processes happening in your brain that you have no control over.

The pressure and expectation that people place on a depressed person just compounds what you are experiencing. You feel guilty for feeling the way you do and because people expect you not to feel that way. They expect you to be this strong man, when in fact you're not. And it's not your fault.

What we need is support and comfort from the people around us.

Shame...

I cam home quickly during my lunch to type this. I have spoken to many people in my life the last couple days and weeks about life, circumstances and the reason that gay guys are the way they are. There are a couple topics that have stood out though. Shame, proving ones self and need for love and they are all interlinked.

Shame...
Well shame is a pretty broad subject when your really think about it. When you feel shame for someone or their circumstances, it's almost like pitying them. But who honestly wants to be pitied. Almost like you are being looked down upon just because of the cards life has dealt you. That's one perspective of shame. The other is shame for one's self. This type of shame is the root of all happenings of the gay persona. We are ashamed because the world has labelled us, boxed us and tried to push us to the point of breaking. We feel shame for what we are, what we do and how we do it. But that just makes us be what we are even more.

Proving ones self...
We go through each minute, hour and day of our lives trying to find approval for what we do. We are unable to find self approval because of shame, so we search for it in places that aren't always the right paces when we look back at them. We throw ourselves into our jobs, our career and any other aspect of our lives that we can devote attention to, to prove that we are good at something. That's why you find gay men at top positions at major companies all around the world. Certain companies and institutions will even employ a gay man over a straight one simply because they work the way the do. Trying to prove that we are better than our colleagues.

Need for love...
This topic pretty much combines everything into one simple point. We need love. Everyone needs love. We were created to share ourselves with someone and give everything that we are. Partly because of shame, we strive even harder to find that someone that wants us and wants to spend eternity with us. It however ends up in serial dating, promiscuity and hurt. Because of this we try and seek approval from men around us.

It's not the way you act or the way you live your life that makes you gay. It is simply your desire for love and approval from another man.

Live each day like it's your last and give everything that you are in each situation.







Random bit at the end:
Pascal's Wager:
There is 50% chance that God exists. If in believing, you gain everything and lose nothing, and in not believing, you gain nothing and lose nothing. Then surely believing is common sense.

Ups and Downs of Life

I drove to work in tears this morning. Everything seemed to hit me at once. I couldn't describe or explain all the thoughts that entered into my mind. I have been numb all day, I felt like telling my boss I don't feel well and need to go home. I didn't want to be around people, I didn't want to smile and I sure as anything didn't want to pretend.

I think this has been coming for a while though. It felt like all the emotion of the past and what I'm keeping to myself has finally caught up with me. I'm tired of pretending, I'm tired of lying to people about who or what I am.

I chatted to a friend last night about what I am going through and what.. well... how I feel like there's gotta be something more to this. The youth of our generation have been disillusioned by our circumstances. We have this ideology of about what life is supposed to be like thrown in our faces by media and film. This ideology about how life and love is supposed to happen. Like there's always a happy ending... I'm not saying it's wrong to want that, but at the same time, life isn't like that. There are ups and downs, and when life isn't like the movies and this ideal that we have been forced to believe, we crash and burn. Simply because we can't handle the reality that has been given to us.

It's being strong and coping with life on our own that makes us hard... This hardened emotionless outer shell that hides the true person that lies beneath

Once again I haven't blogged in a while. My life still seems to be my job. Which seems to becoming mundane and boring. Don't get me wrong I enjoy doing what I do, there's just no excitement in it. And as stated previously my boss does seem to place unneeded pressure on us (Everyone I work with). SO... any advice.... where to from here?

I pray each day for the will to carry on, the inspiration to do what I love and the motivation to do it well.

Another blog post....

It's been a long while since my last post (wow that sounds like I'm in confessional... lol). Not much has happened in terms of my environment changing. Still got the same job, taking the same road to work, going to the same gym and seeing the same people. I feel like I'm in a rut, and I know I should be content with what I have and where I am in my life but to be completely honest I am not!

It might be my job, which seems to be consuming my life. Not the greatest feeling. Almost like I work to live, and live to work. The latter live not necessarily being the good kinda live. The people I work with are pretty awesome, but my boss (an aquarian) is pretty... well... read below. You'll see what I mean. One of my colleagues called her Lady Gadyver...

Little bit of information on aquarians:
"Those born under the sign of Aquarius not only march to a different drummer, they make up new music as they go along. They are 'mind oriented' individuals, whose thoughts never stop tick-tocking over. Because of their high focus on intellectual exploration, many inventors, eccentrics and highly original trailblazers are born under this sign. Their intense ability to live on many mental levels, holds both pain and pleasure for Aquarians. For example, in the American Hall of Fame there are more Aquarians than any other sign, yet statistics reveal that in mental institutions there are more Aquarians than any other sign too. Many extremes can surround this sign and these extremes can take them to both heaven and hell."

I said above that my environment hasn't changed, but I think my mind has. Not a "change" of mind necessarily, more a change in perception of my environment and circumstance. What I want out of life has seemed to change too. I feel like I have matured over the last couple weeks. Not going to share what has changed yet, but something has. Something is stirring inside... Kinda reminds me of the song "I want to break free" by Queen.

http://www.psychicguild.com/horoscopes_zodiac.php?sign=Aquarius

Inner Turmoil

I'm sitting at a beautiful restaurant in Rosebank Mall, Johannesburg called Tashas. Its a very beautifully decorated restaurant with cream walls and dark wood furnishings, and each of the restaurants in the Tashas group has its own decor piece that makes gives each restaurant it's own vibe... At this one, there are antique books hanging from the ceiling!

A very different beginning to my posts you must think... I was speaking to a friend last night and was saying how I have very little motivation. That positive outlook from when we were young that the future is a good one seems to have faded. I mean I'm 25 and live day to day with no inspiration or motivation for what is to come. I mean I wake up each day happy to be alive and content with circumstances. But I feel that I am becoming complacent... Too content and too easily happy with what's been given to me... I can't really blame anyone but myself...

One thing that seems to be getting to me, is my jobs... Well all 3 of them... I am lucky to have them and glad I was given the chance to study... BUT (there's always a but) I am in a line of work that even bettering myself or studying more won't make me earn more. I will still have the same clients, work for the same boss and live the same lifestyle...

Speaking if lifestyle, I enjoy the way I live (and I am living within my means) but I am not allowing myself to save. I blame my mother for the lifestyle that I am accustomed to, and the inability to save money! Hehe... I do love her dearly.

This post feels a bit random, but that's how I feel at the moment... Sigh. In Limbo, waiting on better days to come... The accepting and complacency needs to stop and fast, I don't want to look back 10 or 20 years down the line and regret what I did or didn't do.

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Sigh... Just Sigh...

As I write this post, I am sitting listening to the soundtrack from "The Holiday" sipping on my glass of Pinotage Shiraz with dinner on the stove. My mind is filled with the mellow vibes that resound in my little bachelor flat. I pretty much have everything one could ask for in about a 6 meter radius. Oh wait... no not really. Sigh...

I have realized that my blogs seem pretty monotonous and contradictory. I seem to make promises to myself and never follow through with them. So I have decided to stop making promises I might not be able to keep in terms of my blog.

The last couple weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster. I went away for about 4 days just to get some relief from the pressures of everyday life and basically to reset myself. The resetting didn't really work... Work started and everything went pretty much back to normal. That's the way it is with every holiday though, after day 1 back at the office things aren't any different to when you left.

I have learnt or realized a few things, which I guess I knew already and would seem to be common sense. Number 1... The hot guy that you have fun with on occasion and wants a girlfriend, isn't going to love you or give you anymore affection than he did or didn't already give you. You're just another 'shag'... and whatever events preceding the 'shag' however good it makes you feel, it's still just another shag...

Secondly, hopeless romantic thoughts about what could or might be will just depress you even more. Especially when you find out that... "the guy" (BOB)... has started seeing a girl... What do you do? Carry on pining for what may or may not have been? No, you accept that he wasn't worth your time in the first place. You must realize that whatever sexual satisfaction you gained is yours to keep. I mean you have to accept the situation for what it is and move on...

In all honesty, as much as you wish to take control of your life and make your destiny, whether you like it or not, your path is predestined.

but keep in mind, there are always people in your life (actual or virtual), that want to see you happy. Shouting at the side lines...

(The photo's are of gay diver Matthew Mitcham :))

I want to start a fresh...

It has been a while since I last blogged, never seem to have the energy to type the stuff that's happening in my head. So, finally, I dragged my sorry ass out of bed this freezing cold evening to share the things that have been going on the last couple weeks.

A month ago, almost, I became once again single. It seemed to be a mutual agreement, but to be completely honest, it was a sacrifice on my part. For certain reasons we couldn't be together and I knew that, I knew it from the beginning. Yet I still went through with the two-month relationship. And I knew in the beginning that those where the same reasons that would ultimately cause us not to be together. He was someone I had so much in common with, someone I will always want in my life.

The last couple of weeks a lot has been going through my very creative mind. It's creative in that it will always seem to think of an excuse or a way out of becoming focused. I recently realised in discussion with a friend ('bob'), that I am bored with life. It feels like I don't have a life actually. I realised I need to set goals for myself. I mean all the major goals that were set out before me are now complete. I finished school, University, government service. and now.

That said, what goals are there for a gay guy? I mean marriage is slightly far fetched (No offence to the married) and I don't see myself having kids (Even though I really do want), what else is there apart from work related 'achievements'. Professionally, I could be come the best at what I do. Work satisfaction is a big thing, I guess. Purpose is important to everyone, guess I feel I need a purpose.

Also. I realised that I haven't been able to hold a relationship with a guy for more than two months. When I dated my ex-girlfriend, we went out for two years.. Starting to think something is wrong.

I mentioned goals earlier.
This is a list of my goals (Or headings of goals that need to be refined):
1. Gym and Diet. Hard
2. Do a sports course in 2012
3. Focus on revising
4. Sell my car in the next 3 months.
5. Save. (Just Save)
6. Save to go overseas in July 2012
7. Pay off my study loan in the next 2 years.
8. Blog Weekly

Ok that's all I have for now, but I need to refine them as I said.

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GAY GUYS! Seriously!?! Pull it together!!!!

Firstly I need to state that this post is not directed at anyone specific, but all of you. Secondly, I don't claim to be perfect, these are mere observations of my life.

I have realised lately, that the gay community is a very insecure one. Each individual as well as the entire population is insecure. It might be due to the fact that a large portion of the community give the rest of us a bad name.

Several close friends of mine have had issues with their boyfriends when they were spending time with me. They don't know me, have never met me, but due to the 'stigma' that has been given to gay guys, the insecurities and the lack of trust, I can hardly talk to them any more. I do love my friends and really want them to be happy, and given the type of person that I am take a huge step back. And they know, well hopefully, that I will always be there for them whenever they need me.

That said, I do understand the reason for the insecurities, and although it is quite hurtful that people don't seem to trust me, I accept it because it is what has become of us. We are taught as young gay individuals to be very suspicious of everyone, because as you start to explore your sexuality and start talking to people, the reality hits. Although all you want is to love and be loved, many gay guys don't get that. and are willing to break relationships and further destroy and form of trust that someone might develop.

It should not be like this, the integrity of each person should not be overwhelmed by the lack of integrity of the whole. Why celebrate Gay Pride, if everything that the community seems to stand for is nothing to be proud of? Although I am apart of the community, I hate it when I am placed in that bracket, because I for one, am not proud to be apart of it. purely because of what I have talked about above.

A friend of mine over the weekend said something to me.
"I am me, before I am gay."
Being gay should not define who you are, it should not define the way you act and most definitely should not define your morals!

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What you make it...

There are many things in life that happen, without plan, thought or intent. A lot of the time it's someone elses doing that causes that situation or incident to occur. And for that reason it is inevitable and out of our hands. I guess, it only happens that way if you let it happen that way. If you want your life to go a certain way, you have the ability to make it that way.

I guess, if you had to look at different people, it would be their personalities that dictate whether they are the controller or the 'controlee' of their lives. Some people are willing to take the back seat in their own lives and let other people run the show. Until you get to a point in your life when you realise that, that isn't what you want. Some people never get to that point. Life is what you make it, don't let the people around you tell you how you should live your life.

"Be yourself, take control of your life." ~ Emma Bunton

"In essence, if we wantto direct our lives, we need to take control of our consistent actions. It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently." ~ Anthony Robbins

A lot has happened since my last post. Some things have been life changing, some not life changing. My car was broken into outside my workplace about 3 weeks ago. Everything that I use daily pretty much disappeared. Wallet, Ipod, Phone, Wallet, Gym bag, Car radio.... Not to mention some very sentimental items that had a lot of history to them. None the less, I had to carry on even though it felt like it was everything was crumbling underneath me.

I met the most amazing guy just over a month ago. It was honestly unplanned. We both seemed to be searching for the same thing in life. There is so much in common, it's scary. I believe that everything happens for a reason, whether it be fate or a higher power, but this seems like it was planned without our knowing. :)

"...Somethings in this world you just can't change, Somethings you can't see untill it's too late..." ~ Matchboxtwenty - Bright Lights

In other news, I've lost 8kgs (16lbs). I dont think it's very noticeable, but havent seen my mother in 3 months and am seeing her in 2 weeks. SO will let you know if its visible...

Listen... What do you hear?

I got home this evening and realized that the things I was experiencing and the things I wanted to experience were two different things and that I needed to write about it.

I am a listener and always have been, someone who listens, analyzes what I have heard and comes to a conclusion with what has been told to me. Most of the time it takes a while for this process to occur. Sometimes it happens faster than others depending on what I have heard and the manner in which it is conveyed to me... (Deep? not really). Learning from other peoples mistakes and life lessons has contributed greatly to the person I am today.

I just had dinner with a great guy, a true inspiration to me. Tonight He inspired me to take control of my life. He has been through so much, literally from the worst place he could be in life and has brought himself out on top. Willing to give and share his experiences to help others to overcome their battles. He showed me (Even though I don't think he knows it) that I can take control of my life and be anything and achieve anything that I want to be.

I know that I seem to say this often, but certain aspects of my life are not the way which I want them to be. I am grateful everyday for who I am, what I have and what I have achieved. BUT that said, the day I am completely content and am not willing to learn or achieve more will be the day that I leave this world.

The one situation I am experiencing at the moment is this (Something I wrote over the weekend):

I think the hardest thing in any monogamous relationship, straight or gay, is trust. Personally, I don't believe in anything but monogamy. Probably based on my up bringing, as well as the things I have seen and heard happen in open relationships. Someone always gets hurt.

Getting back to the trust issue, even with exclusivity, it can become a thorn in the side of any relationship. It's the worst when, even though a relationship is new and nothing has been done to cause mistrust, someone's past relationships and issues of mistrust from them filter into the new pure relationship. It almost taints it. Everything begins to be questioned. And the person that is on the firing end of the 'questioning' starts to be drained by the relationship. But how can something so new be something that ends up causing so much heartache?

Ironically I read a quote today that pretty much defines the experience...

"The only reason why you wont let go of the person who makes your life miserable is because at one point, they made your life worthwhile"

You pretty much go from day to day, hoping for the best. Hoping that the issues of yesterday wont carry over into today and tomorrow. But does it ever not? Will the person you care for so dearly ever get through their issues?

And yes, this is what I'm dealing with right now.

All I have to say is
Enough is enough...
No longer will I go with the flow, no longer will I just let things be and no longer will I let people make decisions based on what they think is best for m

Lean on Me - The Temptations

Sometime in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise we know that there's
Always tomorrow

Lean on me when you're not strong and
I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride if I have things
You need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
that you won't let show

Just call on me brother when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long till 'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Just call on me brother when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road, I'll share your load
if you just call me

Just call me when you need a friend
Just call me when you need a friend...
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Work in Progress....

I had this urge to blog today, however the reason for this urge was unknown to me. As was the topic I was going to write about. So I sat eating lunch thinking about what it is that is happening around me and what I feel about it. And this is what I decided I need to blog about.

Everyone's (and I mean everyone) life is a work in progress. Whether you've achieved you life goal or not, there is always a feeling of progression. Or in some cases lack there of. Each thing that you experience, each mood you feel and each thought you think teaches you to take a step in a direction, it may not be the right direction, but its still a step taken. The choices we make are like a labyrinth of roads, at any time there is a way to get back to the road that you wanted to be on. Sometimes it takes a u-turn, sometimes a side street or sometimes a shortcut. Each of us are our own person on our own paths trying to get to a destination. Your life is yours, and no one should force you to be or do something you are not. More importantly, there should be no validity for anyone's negative comments concerning your path. Certain things aren't choices and are just who we are.

“When we are working at a difficult task and strive after a good thing, we are fighting a righteous battle, the direct reward of which is that we are kept from much evil. As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed. Indeed life is a have to defend and protect ourselves, and with a cheerful and brace spirit we must battle; we plan and calculate in order to make progress.”
Vincent van Gogh

It's been a while...

It feels like it has been ages since I last posted. Most likely because so much has happened in my life. Mostly good stuff with a touch of bad here and there. A thought just popped into my mind about going to confessional. Wierd considering I'm not catholic. Anyway, mosing swiftly on, the last week and a half have been quiet eye opening and eventful.

Firstly, I began my new life in the "Big City", which in a way doesnt seem that big apart from the traffic. I began searching for a new place to stay, and wow was that an interesting couple days. It is amazing what people expect you to live in at an astronomical price. Luckily for me, I managed to find the perfect little bachelor flat, which I am proud to call my own. It's only a couple kilometers from my work and really close to two gyms.

I made a couple goals for this year. I prefer to call them goals, as resolutions generally tend to fall flat on their faces a couple weeks after the beginning of the year. The first and most difficult one is that I want to become more dedicated to gym and getting healthy. It's gonna be pretty hard, as I can get pretty lazy and I love to eat junk food. The second is that I want to ge things done when I say I will, the "small" town life had it's affect on my ability to get things done straight away. I realised that there isn't always gonna be a tomorrow, so I'm gonna make the best of today.

Relationships havent seemed to be my strong point so far in life. It's getting to a point where I'm starting to think that there is something wrong with me. I havent ended any of them on a sour note, I was always willing to forgive and accept differences and move on. Surely there will come a time when there wont be a need to end it or have to weigh up pros and cons of my relationships.

When I left work last year, they asked me what it was like being the only guy in an office of 14. I told them thats exactly what I had to do, is just 'be'. It may seem a strange concept, but I'm sure many understand where I'm coming from. In certain situations or environments, you get to a point where the push and pull of the people around you results in you just accepting things as they are and getting on with what you have to do.

This post seems a bit all over the place and I apologise for it. Think I'm still getting back into the swing fo things in my new environment. I kinda feel all over the place myself.

Denial? That's in Egypt right?

I've been thinking a lot lately about life and how it is forever changing, even if we don't want it to. It's wierd how life happens though. I mean if you don't want things to change, they normally do and visa versa. Life generally happens when you least expect it, and things that you need rather than you want happen with out one knowing it.

A few years ago, when I first started branching out and exploring my sexuality(I must admit, my childhood was pretty sheltered and exploring generally means talking to other guys about what I felt). I cam across a guy who appeared to be have everything sorted out, his head screwed on right and his life set. I told him that all I wanted was someone to talk to and that the whole sex-with-a-guy thing would never actually happen with me. He said that, one way or another it would happen and that I should just accept it. I literally argued with him about me never getting intimate with a guy. Low and behold, 4 years later I was intimate with a guy. No matter how much I denied what I felt, who I was and who I was fighting not to be finally wore me out and I became myself for the first time in my life. Not much has changed about who I am, I mean, everything I was and wanted in life remained the same. I just accepted myself, which after 22 years of fighting took this ton of weight off my shoulders.

It's amazing how much relief there is in accepting yourself.

"It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but my own."
- Noel Coward

It was a very good year!

All I can say is "WOW! What a year 2010 was!" It really was a year filled with every form of happiness and sadness. I learnt a ton about myself and about other people. Also, how to deal with other people on a personal level.

  My life (well aspects of my life) have changed a lot! Everyone that I encountered, influenced me abundantly! There are way to many people to name one by one, but if you spoke to me this year, you had an impact on my life!

 

I lay in bed thinking early hours of this morning about everything that has happened this past year. I think that there were times that I was at my lowest of lows and was about to give up, but just as that thought crossed my mind, someone or something crossed my path which lifted my spirit and showed me that there is hope. I also learnt that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and more often than not the place/situation you're in is normally way better than that which you wish you were.

 

Here are some of the things that I learnt that I will take with me into the year to come:

1.       Always go with your first instinct. Chances are the chance you take is the right one. Your inner voice is the one that is guiding you to your destiny/calling.
2.       Never lose your integrity for anyone. But at the same time, your integrity is yours to lose and you have to deal with the consequences of your actions.
3.       Don't let other people's moods affect you, and don't let your mood affect others. We have all experienced it, you wake up happy and one person says something to you because they're in a mood and your day is ruined. Their mood has nothing to do with you, and yours nothing to do with them. Yet again, if you have something to say, say it.
4.       Love with everything that you are. Never hold back! You are only going to mess with the emotions of the person that you are with if you hold back. If you've been hurt and let down before,  realize that this person isn't the same as the person that you loved before.
5.       Most of all, HAVE FUN! 

2011 is hopefully going to be a good year, filled with adventures, love and happiness. I am looking forward to meeting new people, getting to know old friends better and to spend a ton of time with my boyfriend ☺ Thank you again for your support in 2010, it was a good year. I pray that the year to come lives up to and exceeds your every expectation! 

I leave you with this Chinese Proverb I read this morning.

"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present." — Lao Tzu

 

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