A month ago, almost, I became once again single. It seemed to be a mutual agreement, but to be completely honest, it was a sacrifice on my part. For certain reasons we couldn't be together and I knew that, I knew it from the beginning. Yet I still went through with the two-month relationship. And I knew in the beginning that those where the same reasons that would ultimately cause us not to be together. He was someone I had so much in common with, someone I will always want in my life.
The last couple of weeks a lot has been going through my very creative mind. It's creative in that it will always seem to think of an excuse or a way out of becoming focused. I recently realised in discussion with a friend ('bob'), that I am bored with life. It feels like I don't have a life actually. I realised I need to set goals for myself. I mean all the major goals that were set out before me are now complete. I finished school, University, government service. and now.
That said, what goals are there for a gay guy? I mean marriage is slightly far fetched (No offence to the married) and I don't see myself having kids (Even though I really do want), what else is there apart from work related 'achievements'. Professionally, I could be come the best at what I do. Work satisfaction is a big thing, I guess. Purpose is important to everyone, guess I feel I need a purpose.
Also. I realised that I haven't been able to hold a relationship with a guy for more than two months. When I dated my ex-girlfriend, we went out for two years.. Starting to think something is wrong.
I mentioned goals earlier.
This is a list of my goals (Or headings of goals that need to be refined):
1. Gym and Diet. Hard
2. Do a sports course in 2012
3. Focus on revising
4. Sell my car in the next 3 months.
5. Save. (Just Save)
6. Save to go overseas in July 2012
7. Pay off my study loan in the next 2 years.
8. Blog Weekly
Ok that's all I have for now, but I need to refine them as I said.
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I am going to think about this before I comment. And I'll probably send you an email as I don't think my response should be in a public forum. After reading this I am concerned. Now I get what you were referring to in our IM a short while ago. As I said earlier, I think it is time to "shake up your life." But I also think that things are a bit more complicated because you are entering an entirely new life phase and you don't have a plan. If anything, you seem to be drifting, unfocused and you seem very unhappy. You deserve so much better. It seems that old emotional baggage has resurfaced and you are not sure how to deal with it. Back to you dear friend.
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