Second Chances...

Sitting in the darkness with the African sky over head, crescent moon and the first star to appear staring at me. I wonder if they had emotion and thought, what they would be thinking now. Probably that I need to be doing my assignments and not drinking wine. 

Scrap that, that was last week. Clearly the alcohol didn’t give the stars a voice. I think this blog has taken me the longest to write. When you’re head thinks so many things all at once, writing seems pointless.

Things have been settling down slowly. The emotional turmoil is settling, it’s still there for the most part. The battle between what my heart wants to believe and what my mind keeps telling it isn’t the most exciting argument to be a part of. I read somewhere 'In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity.' It didn’t feel like that a couple days ago, my sun and moon were ripped from me by no wrong doing of my own and I had to deal with the consequences.

There is theory called the Kubler-Ross Model, which basically describes five stages of grief. A person can feel one of these at a time, several at once and they appear in no specific order.

                     Denial (“I feel fine”) 

                     Anger (“It’s not fair”)

       Bargaining (“Can we still be friends?”)

       Depression (“I’m so sad, why go on?”)

       Acceptance (“It’s going to be ok”)

The past two weeks have been an amalgamation of all of these spinning through my head at a furious rate. It’s hard to find balance and meaning when you’re inner monologue is fighting itself. 

Promises are something I don’t do lightly. In my past I have made mistakes which have led to me having to break promises. But I dealt with the consequences of breaking the promises. Little white lies probably destroy our own souls more than it does to the people we tell them to. Small things we say like “I can’t make it, I’m feeling sick” or “I’m feeling fine, honest” slow start to eat away at us and leads us to the point were bigger lies seem less wrong. 

Life is all about second chances, not third chances and fourth chances. If we don’t get a second chance at something or give something a second chance, we will never know what the possibilities are. Just because you’re not good at something the first time, or you mess things up the first time, if you really want something bad enough, learn from the mistakes you made and allow them to make the second chance better. If you are offered a second chance, take it by the horns and don't let go.