I Look to You

I'm lying on my bed pondering my life and existence (as one does), listening to music. Whitney Houston's 'I look to you' is playing gently through my headphones. I'm not a big one for debating religion and evolution etc., but I do know what feels right to me in my heart of hearts. I'm not a scientist or a philosopher. I don't claim to have all the answers, to speak to higher beings or have the right to damn the next person, but I know in my heart what I feel to be right. And yes maybe it's my right or my truth, but so be it.

The thought that I am this insignificant being whirling through space on a speck of dust in the vastness that is our universe is scary. To think that by pure chance I was born at the specific date and time I was, have led the life I have and am sitting here right now is unfathomable to me. In the vast expanse of time that is our existence, how is it possible that through pure luck of the draw my time is now.

Anyway, back to the speck analogy... Wow I actually don't know how I can word what it is I feel. Maybe I am weak, maybe its fear or insecurity, but the thought of being alone floating through this chasm that is our existence stirs up feelings of hopelessness and anguish.

I have heard what is to believe in evolution and I get where the desire to believe in it comes from. But whether I am right or wrong, I will always believe in a higher power. I can't not. Maybe human nature makes me weak, maybe it's what I have been programmed to want to believe by my upbringing, but I believe and will always.