Can't sleep...

I struggled to fall asleep tonight, and when I did fall asleep it didn't actually feel like I was asleep... Weird. My mind doesn't seem to want to shut down, at all... This isn't normal for me and I haven't had a night like this in a couple months. It's extremely frustrating and typically would happen before a day I know I'm going to be crazily busy. Blah... There's a lot on my mind I guess.

The course I'm doing this year just seems to get more and more overwhelming. It's not one of those sit in lectures and write exams courses, it's a full hands on, research based course with practical exams (which I hate with a passion) and the extra work over and above the lectures and my day job is damn stressful. Suppose I just need to suck it up and get on with it. Sometimes I just want to scream though.

Then there's the religious debate (this has just formed apart of everyday life now and doesn't really keep me). It's difficult having been brought up a charismatic christian, believing what I do and dealing with my sexuality. There are different debates and everyone has their own opinions on what is right, what is wrong, what the church says, what the Bible says and what God says. Processing it all does get a bit much sometimes, but I can't deny what I believe and what I feel.

Gym has fallen apart, I haven't been regularly in about 2 months, partly because work is super busy and I don't have energy and then also because of the course and amount of extra time it saps. I really do want to get back into it badly, just never seems to work.

They say life is yours and you control your destiny. I agree, but I haven't felt that way in a while.

The guy I'm seeing at the moment seems to be the only form of stability I have at the moment. He really is a great guy and I enjoy every minute I'm with/around him (even carrying boxes up 5 flights of stairs). Together with the friends I have, he keeps me sane. Even though he drives me crazy!

We recently went away for my birthday to visit my best friend in the Kruger National Park. It was awesome getting away, but way too short. It's amazing what being in the middle of nothingness can do for the soul.

And now I can hear birds chirping, so I'll leave you with this:

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to please everybody."

"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to please everybody."