I am a listener and always have been, someone who listens, analyzes what I have heard and comes to a conclusion with what has been told to me. Most of the time it takes a while for this process to occur. Sometimes it happens faster than others depending on what I have heard and the manner in which it is conveyed to me... (Deep? not really). Learning from other peoples mistakes and life lessons has contributed greatly to the person I am today.
I just had dinner with a great guy, a true inspiration to me. Tonight He inspired me to take control of my life. He has been through so much, literally from the worst place he could be in life and has brought himself out on top. Willing to give and share his experiences to help others to overcome their battles. He showed me (Even though I don't think he knows it) that I can take control of my life and be anything and achieve anything that I want to be.
I know that I seem to say this often, but certain aspects of my life are not the way which I want them to be. I am grateful everyday for who I am, what I have and what I have achieved. BUT that said, the day I am completely content and am not willing to learn or achieve more will be the day that I leave this world.
The one situation I am experiencing at the moment is this (Something I wrote over the weekend):
I think the hardest thing in any monogamous relationship, straight or gay, is trust. Personally, I don't believe in anything but monogamy. Probably based on my up bringing, as well as the things I have seen and heard happen in open relationships. Someone always gets hurt.
Getting back to the trust issue, even with exclusivity, it can become a thorn in the side of any relationship. It's the worst when, even though a relationship is new and nothing has been done to cause mistrust, someone's past relationships and issues of mistrust from them filter into the new pure relationship. It almost taints it. Everything begins to be questioned. And the person that is on the firing end of the 'questioning' starts to be drained by the relationship. But how can something so new be something that ends up causing so much heartache?
Ironically I read a quote today that pretty much defines the experience...
"The only reason why you wont let go of the person who makes your life miserable is because at one point, they made your life worthwhile"
You pretty much go from day to day, hoping for the best. Hoping that the issues of yesterday wont carry over into today and tomorrow. But does it ever not? Will the person you care for so dearly ever get through their issues?
And yes, this is what I'm dealing with right now.
All I have to say is
Enough is enough...
No longer will I go with the flow, no longer will I just let things be and no longer will I let people make decisions based on what they think is best for m
